I can hear the bellls

Well, don'tcha hear them chime?

Can't 'cha feel my heartbeat keeping perfect time?

And all because he..

.

Touched me

He looked at me and stared, yes he

Bumped me

My heart was unprepared when he

Tapped me

And knocked me off my feet

One little touch

Now my life's complete 'cause when he

.

Nudged me

Love put me in a fix, yes it

Hit me

Just like a ton of bricks, yes my

Heart burst

Now i know what life's about

One little touch

And love's knocked me out and

.

I can hear the bells

My head is spinning

I can hear the bells

Something's beginning

.

Everybody says

That a girl who looks like me

Can't win his love

Well, just wait and see 'cause

.

I can hear the bells

Just hear them chiming

I can hear the bells

My temp'rature's climbing

.

I cant contain my joy

Cause i fin'ly found the boy

I've been missin'

Listen! I can hear the bells

.

.

.

.

lalala. floating on cloud 9, listening to the bells chiming in my heart. head spinning, temperature rising, boiling. whoooooooo.

i like you. aaaaaahhhhhh.

Did i mention

how MUCH i absolutely LOVE my school?
my friends, my classmates, my classes, even my teachers.

i just LOVE it.

for the second time in my life, im saying this -

I dont want the holidays to come, especially not the 2 month holidays!
I dont want the school year to end. no!

just when i realise i LOVE LOVE LOVE school, i notice that there is only 4 months left in 2kuning.

GAAAAAHHHHH. arggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

all time low

my eyes are hurting.

no im not crying again, its just that im not wearing my spectacles.
tcheah right.

im not lying!!
gosh, no k i cant use "lying" due to certain circumstances.

so i'll say "im not bluffing."





update? tcheah no.
stupid library.

Rebecca, I'm sorry.

The beginning of the new chapter cannot be written if the ending of the last isnt inked.

You're the author, i'm the pen, end this chapter now. because its my turn to write next.

I know exactly how the next chapter is gonna start, so please hurry up and end it already.

I'm getting impatient.

Moving on is not the end, but the beginning.

The beginning cant entirely start without the end.

The strings are still attached. so please, cut it now. release me to the freedom of penning the next chapter of life. i dont wanna be stuck here forever.

now i look at you through a different set of eyes

Dragon

Rider

Chicken

Tortoise

You made year 2007 the best i've ever been through,

updates

an update, finally i know!
ok my pass week...
hmm. was fun. Lol. obviously. ok i know this is starting to sound boring. anyways

yeah. now i lazy talk about my week already so lets move on .

Upcoming Events :

Bai Se Zhuan '09

A Contemporary Dance

Organized by : Penang Chinese Townhall Youth Section

Presented by : Eastern Dancers and Dance Factory Art Academy

Date : 8th of August 2009 (Saturday)

Time : 8.00 P.M.

Venue : Main Hall, Penang Chinese Townhall

Tickets : RM 15

For more information please log on to

www.dancefactory.selfip.com/forum

or call

016 477 0990 (Dance Factory Art Academy)

ok i know i look like an advertisement board now, but yes this is one performance you dont wanna miss. if ya'll remember this was held in Penang in September last year too.

This year, im not in the dances, but i can gurantee you it's gonna be great. There are new dancers and new dances. This dance has been on tour to Melaka too. So please, come. :)

Our Enchanted Garden

A fairy tale of Good over Evil

brought to you by :

Elizabeth Ballet Academy

This is a

ONE NIGHT ONLY

performance not be missed as it is our first ever

Full - Length Ballet

August 29th, 2009

Show starts at

8.00 pm sharp

Tickets : RM30

Please contact me for more information!

I promise you an awesome evening at this concert. Some of you might have or night have not watched a ballet concert before, so if you haven't all the more you should come and check it out.

Youth Jam '09

Super Merdeka Celebration

Date : August 30th, 2009

Venue : Penang Times Square

log on to

http://www.jazzada.com/youthjam

for more information.

haha. advertisements over. lol

oh wait one more

1. Yoga Dance Workshop

16th of August 2009 (Sunday)

4pm - 5pm

Dance Factory Art Academy,

Desa Universiti, 4C 1st floor, Jalan Sungai Dua, 11700, Penang Malaysia.

(above sungai dua mcdonalds)

016 477 0990

actually i wanna do like lists of things, so lets just say this post will be in point form?

to-do-list

1. think of what i need to do

2. type it out

3. apply pastor thomas's message to my life

4. Dance more

5. study

6. get the school floorball club started

7. so i need to go see Pn Yon tomorrow

8. wear my knee guard more

9. geo folio

10. civic folio

11. moral folio

12. sew ballet skirt

13. go pc fair

14. get hard disk (whoo!)

15. diettttt!! lol. no la kidding.

16. get matthew to reply my messages!

17. prayyyy

18. read Bible more. lol

19. matthew 5 : 23-24

20. post it

"This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God. " - The Message

"23So if you are about to place your gift on the altar and remember that someone is angry with you, 24leave your gift there in front of the altar. Make peace with that person, then come back and offer your gift to God. " - Contemporary English Version

:)

hmm, next list.

People i super miss ( in random order)

1. Janis and Nicholas, my cousins

2. All my relatives

3. old school mates.

4. Matthew Tai Sy Khai

5. Titus Kam Ting Yi

6. Choong Lee Lynn

7. Gan Pei Yi

8. Teh Ee Lyn

9. Pek Ee Wei

10. All graduation classes of 2007 SJKC Keong Hoe

11. Zhen Ting Lao Shi and all Dance factory people

no offence if i dont miss you!

I cant wait for:

1. Christmas

2. Cousin's wedding

3. Christmas

4. Youth Camp

5. Christmas

6. to go morning session

7. Christmas

8. for floorball club to open

9. Christmas

10. for cheerleading club

11. Christmas

12. Ballet concert

13. Christmas

14. chinese new year

15. Christmas

16. my birthday

17. Christmas

18. to drive ( 2 and a half years to go! )

19. Christmas

20. for school tomorrow! ;)

logging off.

"Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer, if it doesn't work out, then kill them." -Mac Taylor


School was definitely. im not really sure how to elaborate, but I guess alot of things are clearing up, and God's opening doors, answering prayers. So, God, please continue being with us :)



I wish I can say that visiting the past last night didnt hurt, but I cant.
I'm just glad that I'm alright now :)

Lets all be bitches and liars,
anorexics and bullimics,
self-mutilators and suiciders.

Orphanage

drop by Tania or Wei-Lynn's blog for updates.
firebrands blog pun tak apa.

look to your right for links.

The Climb

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith

One of those moments again.

i just wonder how people all around me seem to have such a life.
they have the friends, the outings, the activities, the parties, the drinks, the suppers, the cars, the loves, the money, the looks, the gadgets, the cliques, the guys/girls, the pictures, the hang outs, the image, the faith, the dreams, the fun, the smiles, the happiness.
the EVERYTHING.

while my life seems to be so straight out blank.

im having one of those moments where i think life is this one big knot in a shoelace thats taking up all my grey matter to untie. im thinking so hard and the knot is still getting bigger and bigger and nak tau dah berapa kali i dah trip dan jatuh?

URGH.
its just so frustrating!!! its like my brain is blocked or something. im trying to straighten it all out, but URGH. its giving me a headache.

i sit here staring at the computer, moving my fingers absentmindedly across the keyboard, and glancing at my phone every one or two seconds, but whats the point, nothings gonna come in, but i still have this strange longing in my heart for things to go back to the way it was before.
people always say move on, no one has ever say go back. but what if i want to, what if i hate the present? what if i hate what the present predicts about the future? what if i wanna go back to the past and just stay there.

This nauseating nostalgia is roping me down to a world beneath, one i never knew existed before.

someone once said that living in the unknown is the gist of life. but is that true?
living in the unknown has let me down one too many times. it has crushed my heart. i just shudder at the thought of something happening unexpectedly again, what if this time, its worse than before and i cant take it in anymore? i've already destroyed myself enough the last time life let me down, what more do i have to endure?

alot i guess. after all, im only 14.

i hate being a sanguine melancholy, but i guess thats how God made me.
i hate having mood swings all the time, just a few hours ago, i was having so much fun, and look at me now, but i guess thats just how teenagers are.
or maybe its just me?

i wanna scream my lungs sore and just feel relief flood through my heart.
but hell, even the word relief scares me.

this time of the day, is one i fear the most, when everyone's asleep,
and i'm left on my own.
free to do anything i want, free to think.
in the dead of the night,
i never know when i'll do something i'll regret for eternity.

is there such thing as eternity?

i think too much, more than is considered healthy.
and then i react, and thats when trouble strikes.
this sounds like a silent cry for attention, but its not attention i want,
i just want relief, joy, happiness.
long, lasting ones, not ones that fizzles off as soon as it comes.

Tears fall into my crossed laps as i sit here thinking of what to say next.
thinking of what i can do to make my heart feel lighter.
its like someone just dumped a tonne of bricks within my cardiovascular walls.

songs do little to ease the knot in my stomach.
ever had one of those moments where you could feel your heart in your throat?
ever had one of those times you just wanna cry your heart out because you know what it does to ease the pain, but still no tears come?

Sleep, blissful oblivion,
the only thing that'll numb this confusion,
the only thing that wont grace me with its presence right now.



stop my mind from thinking,
stop my heart from feeling, from beating.
stop my sleep from dreaming, when you know its all ending.
stop my world, stop my life.
stop it all, all right now.

I wanna rid my mind of all piercing thoughts.
I wanna rid my heart of all torturous feelings.
I wanna end this excruciating anguish.
I wanna take my own sparkless life.
I wanna feel the peace of relief.

first thing first, Lisa you missed out alot today man.


school was awesome. why?

we almost burned down the science lab. or rather flood it.

warning : never try this at home.

play with matches while doing science experiments
try to soak someone in the science lab.
laugh yourself mad.
half strip because your pinafore is wet
squirt water at somebody's shorts.
empty a bottle of water over someone's head or into their shirt.

thats practically my day. was awesome fun, though it sounds childish, but STILL.

adopting Wei-Lynn's to-do-list, this is mine.

to-do-list (in random order)

1. civic folio
2. geografi folio
3. moral folio
4. find something to wear for tomorrow
5. pray hard that my leg wont hurt anymore
6. dance more
7. take up jazz
8. finish sewing sequins
9. study (thanks to Lynn :p)
10. patch things up with people, say sorry
11. sort out saturday and sunday's plans
12. get a haircut
13. write surat tidak hadirs for hockey practice
14. write surat tidak hadir for tomorrow
14. clear my room
15. get the shelf fixed up
16. be happier
17. stay happier
18. sleep earlier
19. get my mind untied
20. love more

Penning my mind

I'm confused over something i shouldnt be confused about.


If the Rubiks cuve can spread so fast, why cant the Word of God?


movie this friday! no schoollll!! whoo


Omg, did i just offend someone again?


aiyo, still got civic folio to do!

and geografi folio!

and moral folio

and seni folio

UP CAR.


new cubE!! whooots.


saturday planssss, come to me.


ee wei's birthday coming!


when are my pizza vouchers coming?


what to do with my money??


why was Rita charged??


PLEASE tell me you're not mad.


i miss ballet!


no ballet till next tuesday!. =S


friday plans how ar?


i dowanna waste my day la.

dont care, gonna watch movie. muahahaha.


im happy. whoo!


stupid cut on my leg, make me cacat ni.


but i get to wear slippars to school!


gotta sew sequins!

concert comingggg. DIEEETTTT.


ok dieting is bad.


church this saturday.


leg paiiiin......



Gotta let go, someone help me.
Did i make you mad?
Did i make you hate me?

Gotta stop, stop dreaming of you.
Gotta stop, stop thinking of you.

Gotta stop, stop holding on.
Everybody says that,
but we all know its not easy.
So someone help me,
help me.

See You There

Baby, i love you.

1:41

My last memories of you (edited)

I can still remember you,
standing beside me.
**** *** ***, at the ticket booth
Just the two of us,** *** ***** ****

I can still remember the light in your eyes,
when you looked at me.
*** ***** * **** *** *** ***** ****
**** * *** *** ***** *** *** *** ******

All the flirting and all the caring,
all the words that left me falling.

My last memories of you,
they hurt.
What started off as nothing, turned out to be everything.
I knew it wouldnt work out,
but still I took my chances.
The movies, the messages, the calls,
none of them were meant to be,
My last memories of you.

I can still hear the sound of your voice.
The secrets we shared and our hushed laughter
All still etched in my mind.
Do you remember them?
Our messages and inside jokes.
Do you remember the nights we stayed up on the phone,
whispering,
when we were supposed to be
sleeping.

All the flirting and all the caring,
all the words that left me falling.

My last memories of you, they hurt.
What started off as nothing, turned out to be everything.
I knew it wouldnt work out,
but still I took my chances.
The movies, the messages, the calls,
none of them were meant to be,
My last memories of you.

Kill me now, i hate this.
Take this agony away, just take it.
Leave me numb, leave me lifeless.
Please, just do it.

All this cuts on my arms,
they mean nothing
compared to how you have made me feel.
(I thought you were different, but You tore my heart apart)

No wound on the outside can bleed more
than the one on the inside
(I thought we had a chance, but You tore my heart apart)

All the flirting and all the caring,
all the words that left me falling.

WHAT WERE THEY FOR?

My last memories of you, they hurt



like hell.

Things have changed for me,
but its ok,
im still the same.

-Panic At The Disco











Am i?

Remember when we never had to remember when times were better,

times were better than this

-There For Tomorrow

There's just one thing, that'll make me say,
I used to be love drunk, but now im hungover.
Love is forever, forever is over.

-Boys Like Girls

how could everything possibly change overnight?

It's not because of anything, is it?
It's just because it's me, ain't it?
It's just because it's Sarah.











Do you really hate me that much?

Kill me now, i hate myself.
Take this agony away, just take it.
Leave me numb, leave me lifeless.
Please, just do it.

Almost Lover

Goodbye my almost lover,
Goodbye my hopeless dream,
I'm trying not to think about you,
Can't you just let me be.

So long my luckless romance,
My back is turned on you,
Should've known you'd bring me heartache,
Almost lovers always do.

OMG #2

how can i be so DUMB!

damn fudge im STUPID.





what am i gonna do now?

what if its already too late?

OMG what have i DONE?

someone please turn back the time.

i need a restart.

When one hour starts to feel like a lifetime

thats when you know you've fallen



thats when you need to get away from it,
but you know you can't.













spiralling downward

Why are you doing this to me?

God, why do you have to put me through this?

Why are you tearing my heart out, shredding me to pieces?

Why?

why did you make it possible for me to be stabbed this way?

couldn's you have killed me quickly, silently?

why did you have to torture me, putting me through all the hurt?

isn't letting go painful enough, that now i have to bear the pain for it?





DON'T I HAVE ENOUGH GOING ON IN MY LIFE?

haven't you put me through enough?

is there still more to come, because i sure as hell cant take anymore.












please......spare me.
i'm begging you, Lord.

Happiest time of my life?

the time when I open my eyelids. pulling myself out of slumber.

no memory of time, no date, no day.
no names, no work, no problems.
no good, no bad.

less than 10 seconds, before everything comes flooding back.
A few seconds of blissful oblivion to anything that happened or will happen.

I pull my eyelids open every morning, just for this moment of blankness.
If it weren't for this, I would have long stayed down under without surfacing to this harsh world of poison.

In my happy place

I'm a useless piece of messed-up shit.









freaked up

Jaiho

Exams over. obviously.
Heck them.










we shall not talk

i take up your challenge.

you wanna see how long i can last?
i'll freaking show you.

God i need you to show yourself to me in a BIG, OBVIOUS way.

a way that i wont mistake you for my imaginations, or my own thoughts.

in a way that will make me say "whoa, that was so freaking awesome. its GOD"

i need it.

is it possible?

a simple act of no big meaning,
could impact someone's life radically.

a simple email, showed me that my year wasnt wasted, that there are still people who care.
and its just so nice knowing that theres still someone who has you on their mind.

dont you think so?

can i call this the best day i had lived through for a long time?

i guess there were many other best days,

this one was just more distinct.

currently addicted to

Secret Valentine - We The Kings

Kristy, are you doing okay? - The Offspring

Skyway Avenue - We The Kings

rock on!

the rain has stop falling

the gray skies are finally clearing up

the sun is rising

the day is getting brighter

Losing faith

why are you doing this to me?

what have i done wrong?

why do you have to put me through this?

is it too much to ask of you?

>aren't tears supposed to be salty?



......... mine isn't.


have my tastebuds become numb to the taste of tears?















the injustice is killing me from the inside out.

when the safest place to be becomes the most dangerous.




when your heaven turns to hell.




when nowhere else seems to be safe anymore



when heaven doesnt seem to exist anymore.

when things couldnt have gotten any worse.............















.....it did.

should i be completely letting go, and totally erasing all the hope from heart, or anybody elses heart for that matter?

nothing pays off.

holding on defininitely doesnt.

its too hard to go on.

everything is going against me.

who would've known things would end up this way.

what am i searching for?

what am i groping around in the dark for?

knocking thinds down, breaking them, adding to the already mess strewn cell....

jealousy boils

togetherness is all im after

My life right now seems to be full of problems. I'm appalled at the thought of it, or maybe even repelled by my very own life right now. It's a mess, just like my room.



It's like there was this big fight in the room. glass ornaments, mirrors, shattered. furniture sent flying across the room, and crashing at the wall. wallpaper cracked, torn, clothes, books and shreds of pages strewn across the once bare floor. the only window, the only source of light, missing a few panels, broken glass everywhere. Some of them smeared with my blood, and im just sitting there, on the floor, alone in the room, letting my wounds bleed themselves out, not knowing what to do. its just me, sitting there, staring at the deep slits in my arms, the slashes in my delicate fingers, and that fragile face looking so deprived of blood, of warmth.



im hurting so much from the pain of the injuries but i know who can heal me. its him, with his first aid kit, standing at the door, knocking softly at first, asking me to open the door for him to come in to attend to my bloody wounds, to soothe my tears stinging the wounds. the security in his voice so strong yet so tender, so firm yet so gentle.



and then he starts knocking harder, louder, when i dont seem to be responding to his call and opening up. he starts to get frantic, panicked, banging the door with fists clenched so tight, you could see the green-blue veins sticking out , contrasting with his white knuckles, and crying out my name

" PLEASE!" hurt filled his heart as he listens to my wails of agony, of pain so intent, so unbearable. he listens as im about to give up, and say its over, whats the point of hanging on anymore. and he bangs the door even louder, begging with all that he has for me to open up, to trust him with my wounds, pleading with me to not give in to the pain, assuring me that he's here, telling me " it wont hurt anymore, just let me in"



i can hear the tears in his pained voice, i can see his livid face in my mind, yelling at me. His face flushed red, not with anger but with fear and pain and maybe anger, too. anger channeled towards the side of me who's giving up, who's not trusting him enough.



he's on his knees, banging at the door, never once losing hope in me, never once losing hope in who he knows i am deep down inside, never once giving up on who he knows i can truly be. and me, on the other side of the door, im about to give up. i cant take it anymore. i've lost too much blood. the wounds are cut too deep. it just too painful to hold on anymore. i knew peace, serenity, and numbness were just a footstep away. but i dont think i even have the strength to take that step. how i wish to even be licked by those flames of comfort, a place where pain doesnt exist, only peace.



somewhere far off in my conscious mind, i tried to reach for the door. to let him in so that he would stop that awful racket of banging. but no matter how hard i tried to cross the room to feel the coolness of the doorknob beneath my fingertips, i just cant seem to reach it. i keep tripping over the things thrown all over the floor. i keep falling over the mess. and each time i fall, i get cut again. again and again. the numerous times i have fallen - can you even start to imagine how many gashes have torn apart my soft skin? can you imagine how much life- running-blood i've lost?



i still cant seem to open the door. everytime i see the handle within my grasp, i reach out and my palms wet with fresh blood feels the disappointment and frustration of the doorknob sliding away yet again.



im much too weak to carry on any longer.

my blood is dripping.........







draining........









slowly, drop by drop......





leaving my soul, dry...









.......empty.

everything from everywhere just keeps stabbing my already throbbing, bleeding heart.

everything from everywhere seems to keep reminding me that im useless.
i think im good, but ha, as if. what i can do is only a cent of what the least of the people can do.

everything from everywhere seems to be screaming at me to give up, and get a new life, what for hang on, i;ll never be able to reach the top anyway. wont it be worse to hang on, knowing that no matter how hard i climb i can never reach the goal, than to just let go, and fall into the darkness of the valleys below, allowing myself to be envelopped in the whisper of the silence in the world i once knew before.

why does it have to go this way

It sucks to sit here, with that sinking feeling, like my heart is in my intestine.

feeling so helpless and useless.
what used to serve as motivation now comes as conviction and provoke-tion.
as i see you, all i can hear you saying is
"you can never do this, so why are you still fighting? "

I can never do this, so why am i still fighting?
Why am i still holding on dreams that will never come true, whats the use of that.
a big waste of my efforts.
I can NEVER be that good, no matter how i hard i try.
there are so many things that i wanna do, but will it ever be possible??
I want to fly, but who's going to teach me how to spread my wings?
I want to jump, but who's going to teach me to use my knees?
I want to run and flip and tumble and just for once, do what i REALLY want to do,
but will it, WILL IT EVER BE POSSIBLE?

sitting here, crying, wont help.
but getting up and trying isnt any better
so whats the point.

Some things you just cant do it on your own.
Some things you just need someone there to guide you and push you.
to show you the right way of doing things.
When will my "someone" come along?

My guess?
NEVER.

So why am i still grasping on to that thin thread of hope that i someday will be who i know i have the potential to be, with the right coaching.
Why am i still hoping?
its pointless.

I will never get the chance to learn all those things you can do.
I will never get the chance to spread my wings, or even to leap into the air.
Time is running out on me.

I will never get that chance to learn.
all those things that i dreamt of since i was a little girl.
dreams that will never come true.

Dreams, are they just stars?
so far away, beautiful to look at, but no matter how hard i flap my wings, i can never reach them.
They're just............



too far away.

Why not aim for the clouds instead? they're nearer.
Or the rain? you dont even have to reach, it showers itself on you.

or even better, dont dream at all, coz you're going to be let down by your own dreams anyway.