"Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer, if it doesn't work out, then kill them." -Mac Taylor


School was definitely. im not really sure how to elaborate, but I guess alot of things are clearing up, and God's opening doors, answering prayers. So, God, please continue being with us :)



I wish I can say that visiting the past last night didnt hurt, but I cant.
I'm just glad that I'm alright now :)

Lets all be bitches and liars,
anorexics and bullimics,
self-mutilators and suiciders.

Orphanage

drop by Tania or Wei-Lynn's blog for updates.
firebrands blog pun tak apa.

look to your right for links.

The Climb

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith

One of those moments again.

i just wonder how people all around me seem to have such a life.
they have the friends, the outings, the activities, the parties, the drinks, the suppers, the cars, the loves, the money, the looks, the gadgets, the cliques, the guys/girls, the pictures, the hang outs, the image, the faith, the dreams, the fun, the smiles, the happiness.
the EVERYTHING.

while my life seems to be so straight out blank.

im having one of those moments where i think life is this one big knot in a shoelace thats taking up all my grey matter to untie. im thinking so hard and the knot is still getting bigger and bigger and nak tau dah berapa kali i dah trip dan jatuh?

URGH.
its just so frustrating!!! its like my brain is blocked or something. im trying to straighten it all out, but URGH. its giving me a headache.

i sit here staring at the computer, moving my fingers absentmindedly across the keyboard, and glancing at my phone every one or two seconds, but whats the point, nothings gonna come in, but i still have this strange longing in my heart for things to go back to the way it was before.
people always say move on, no one has ever say go back. but what if i want to, what if i hate the present? what if i hate what the present predicts about the future? what if i wanna go back to the past and just stay there.

This nauseating nostalgia is roping me down to a world beneath, one i never knew existed before.

someone once said that living in the unknown is the gist of life. but is that true?
living in the unknown has let me down one too many times. it has crushed my heart. i just shudder at the thought of something happening unexpectedly again, what if this time, its worse than before and i cant take it in anymore? i've already destroyed myself enough the last time life let me down, what more do i have to endure?

alot i guess. after all, im only 14.

i hate being a sanguine melancholy, but i guess thats how God made me.
i hate having mood swings all the time, just a few hours ago, i was having so much fun, and look at me now, but i guess thats just how teenagers are.
or maybe its just me?

i wanna scream my lungs sore and just feel relief flood through my heart.
but hell, even the word relief scares me.

this time of the day, is one i fear the most, when everyone's asleep,
and i'm left on my own.
free to do anything i want, free to think.
in the dead of the night,
i never know when i'll do something i'll regret for eternity.

is there such thing as eternity?

i think too much, more than is considered healthy.
and then i react, and thats when trouble strikes.
this sounds like a silent cry for attention, but its not attention i want,
i just want relief, joy, happiness.
long, lasting ones, not ones that fizzles off as soon as it comes.

Tears fall into my crossed laps as i sit here thinking of what to say next.
thinking of what i can do to make my heart feel lighter.
its like someone just dumped a tonne of bricks within my cardiovascular walls.

songs do little to ease the knot in my stomach.
ever had one of those moments where you could feel your heart in your throat?
ever had one of those times you just wanna cry your heart out because you know what it does to ease the pain, but still no tears come?

Sleep, blissful oblivion,
the only thing that'll numb this confusion,
the only thing that wont grace me with its presence right now.



stop my mind from thinking,
stop my heart from feeling, from beating.
stop my sleep from dreaming, when you know its all ending.
stop my world, stop my life.
stop it all, all right now.

I wanna rid my mind of all piercing thoughts.
I wanna rid my heart of all torturous feelings.
I wanna end this excruciating anguish.
I wanna take my own sparkless life.
I wanna feel the peace of relief.

first thing first, Lisa you missed out alot today man.


school was awesome. why?

we almost burned down the science lab. or rather flood it.

warning : never try this at home.

play with matches while doing science experiments
try to soak someone in the science lab.
laugh yourself mad.
half strip because your pinafore is wet
squirt water at somebody's shorts.
empty a bottle of water over someone's head or into their shirt.

thats practically my day. was awesome fun, though it sounds childish, but STILL.

adopting Wei-Lynn's to-do-list, this is mine.

to-do-list (in random order)

1. civic folio
2. geografi folio
3. moral folio
4. find something to wear for tomorrow
5. pray hard that my leg wont hurt anymore
6. dance more
7. take up jazz
8. finish sewing sequins
9. study (thanks to Lynn :p)
10. patch things up with people, say sorry
11. sort out saturday and sunday's plans
12. get a haircut
13. write surat tidak hadirs for hockey practice
14. write surat tidak hadir for tomorrow
14. clear my room
15. get the shelf fixed up
16. be happier
17. stay happier
18. sleep earlier
19. get my mind untied
20. love more

Penning my mind

I'm confused over something i shouldnt be confused about.


If the Rubiks cuve can spread so fast, why cant the Word of God?


movie this friday! no schoollll!! whoo


Omg, did i just offend someone again?


aiyo, still got civic folio to do!

and geografi folio!

and moral folio

and seni folio

UP CAR.


new cubE!! whooots.


saturday planssss, come to me.


ee wei's birthday coming!


when are my pizza vouchers coming?


what to do with my money??


why was Rita charged??


PLEASE tell me you're not mad.


i miss ballet!


no ballet till next tuesday!. =S


friday plans how ar?


i dowanna waste my day la.

dont care, gonna watch movie. muahahaha.


im happy. whoo!


stupid cut on my leg, make me cacat ni.


but i get to wear slippars to school!


gotta sew sequins!

concert comingggg. DIEEETTTT.


ok dieting is bad.


church this saturday.


leg paiiiin......



Gotta let go, someone help me.
Did i make you mad?
Did i make you hate me?

Gotta stop, stop dreaming of you.
Gotta stop, stop thinking of you.

Gotta stop, stop holding on.
Everybody says that,
but we all know its not easy.
So someone help me,
help me.

See You There

Baby, i love you.

1:41

My last memories of you (edited)

I can still remember you,
standing beside me.
**** *** ***, at the ticket booth
Just the two of us,** *** ***** ****

I can still remember the light in your eyes,
when you looked at me.
*** ***** * **** *** *** ***** ****
**** * *** *** ***** *** *** *** ******

All the flirting and all the caring,
all the words that left me falling.

My last memories of you,
they hurt.
What started off as nothing, turned out to be everything.
I knew it wouldnt work out,
but still I took my chances.
The movies, the messages, the calls,
none of them were meant to be,
My last memories of you.

I can still hear the sound of your voice.
The secrets we shared and our hushed laughter
All still etched in my mind.
Do you remember them?
Our messages and inside jokes.
Do you remember the nights we stayed up on the phone,
whispering,
when we were supposed to be
sleeping.

All the flirting and all the caring,
all the words that left me falling.

My last memories of you, they hurt.
What started off as nothing, turned out to be everything.
I knew it wouldnt work out,
but still I took my chances.
The movies, the messages, the calls,
none of them were meant to be,
My last memories of you.

Kill me now, i hate this.
Take this agony away, just take it.
Leave me numb, leave me lifeless.
Please, just do it.

All this cuts on my arms,
they mean nothing
compared to how you have made me feel.
(I thought you were different, but You tore my heart apart)

No wound on the outside can bleed more
than the one on the inside
(I thought we had a chance, but You tore my heart apart)

All the flirting and all the caring,
all the words that left me falling.

WHAT WERE THEY FOR?

My last memories of you, they hurt



like hell.

Things have changed for me,
but its ok,
im still the same.

-Panic At The Disco











Am i?

Remember when we never had to remember when times were better,

times were better than this

-There For Tomorrow

There's just one thing, that'll make me say,
I used to be love drunk, but now im hungover.
Love is forever, forever is over.

-Boys Like Girls

how could everything possibly change overnight?

It's not because of anything, is it?
It's just because it's me, ain't it?
It's just because it's Sarah.











Do you really hate me that much?

Kill me now, i hate myself.
Take this agony away, just take it.
Leave me numb, leave me lifeless.
Please, just do it.

Almost Lover

Goodbye my almost lover,
Goodbye my hopeless dream,
I'm trying not to think about you,
Can't you just let me be.

So long my luckless romance,
My back is turned on you,
Should've known you'd bring me heartache,
Almost lovers always do.

OMG #2

how can i be so DUMB!

damn fudge im STUPID.





what am i gonna do now?

what if its already too late?

OMG what have i DONE?

someone please turn back the time.

i need a restart.

When one hour starts to feel like a lifetime

thats when you know you've fallen



thats when you need to get away from it,
but you know you can't.













spiralling downward

Why are you doing this to me?

God, why do you have to put me through this?

Why are you tearing my heart out, shredding me to pieces?

Why?

why did you make it possible for me to be stabbed this way?

couldn's you have killed me quickly, silently?

why did you have to torture me, putting me through all the hurt?

isn't letting go painful enough, that now i have to bear the pain for it?





DON'T I HAVE ENOUGH GOING ON IN MY LIFE?

haven't you put me through enough?

is there still more to come, because i sure as hell cant take anymore.












please......spare me.
i'm begging you, Lord.

Happiest time of my life?

the time when I open my eyelids. pulling myself out of slumber.

no memory of time, no date, no day.
no names, no work, no problems.
no good, no bad.

less than 10 seconds, before everything comes flooding back.
A few seconds of blissful oblivion to anything that happened or will happen.

I pull my eyelids open every morning, just for this moment of blankness.
If it weren't for this, I would have long stayed down under without surfacing to this harsh world of poison.

In my happy place

I'm a useless piece of messed-up shit.









freaked up

Jaiho

Exams over. obviously.
Heck them.










we shall not talk

i take up your challenge.

you wanna see how long i can last?
i'll freaking show you.

God i need you to show yourself to me in a BIG, OBVIOUS way.

a way that i wont mistake you for my imaginations, or my own thoughts.

in a way that will make me say "whoa, that was so freaking awesome. its GOD"

i need it.

is it possible?

a simple act of no big meaning,
could impact someone's life radically.

a simple email, showed me that my year wasnt wasted, that there are still people who care.
and its just so nice knowing that theres still someone who has you on their mind.

dont you think so?

can i call this the best day i had lived through for a long time?

i guess there were many other best days,

this one was just more distinct.

currently addicted to

Secret Valentine - We The Kings

Kristy, are you doing okay? - The Offspring

Skyway Avenue - We The Kings

rock on!

the rain has stop falling

the gray skies are finally clearing up

the sun is rising

the day is getting brighter

Losing faith

why are you doing this to me?

what have i done wrong?

why do you have to put me through this?

is it too much to ask of you?

>aren't tears supposed to be salty?



......... mine isn't.


have my tastebuds become numb to the taste of tears?















the injustice is killing me from the inside out.

when the safest place to be becomes the most dangerous.




when your heaven turns to hell.




when nowhere else seems to be safe anymore



when heaven doesnt seem to exist anymore.

when things couldnt have gotten any worse.............















.....it did.

should i be completely letting go, and totally erasing all the hope from heart, or anybody elses heart for that matter?

nothing pays off.

holding on defininitely doesnt.

its too hard to go on.

everything is going against me.

who would've known things would end up this way.

what am i searching for?

what am i groping around in the dark for?

knocking thinds down, breaking them, adding to the already mess strewn cell....

jealousy boils

togetherness is all im after

My life right now seems to be full of problems. I'm appalled at the thought of it, or maybe even repelled by my very own life right now. It's a mess, just like my room.



It's like there was this big fight in the room. glass ornaments, mirrors, shattered. furniture sent flying across the room, and crashing at the wall. wallpaper cracked, torn, clothes, books and shreds of pages strewn across the once bare floor. the only window, the only source of light, missing a few panels, broken glass everywhere. Some of them smeared with my blood, and im just sitting there, on the floor, alone in the room, letting my wounds bleed themselves out, not knowing what to do. its just me, sitting there, staring at the deep slits in my arms, the slashes in my delicate fingers, and that fragile face looking so deprived of blood, of warmth.



im hurting so much from the pain of the injuries but i know who can heal me. its him, with his first aid kit, standing at the door, knocking softly at first, asking me to open the door for him to come in to attend to my bloody wounds, to soothe my tears stinging the wounds. the security in his voice so strong yet so tender, so firm yet so gentle.



and then he starts knocking harder, louder, when i dont seem to be responding to his call and opening up. he starts to get frantic, panicked, banging the door with fists clenched so tight, you could see the green-blue veins sticking out , contrasting with his white knuckles, and crying out my name

" PLEASE!" hurt filled his heart as he listens to my wails of agony, of pain so intent, so unbearable. he listens as im about to give up, and say its over, whats the point of hanging on anymore. and he bangs the door even louder, begging with all that he has for me to open up, to trust him with my wounds, pleading with me to not give in to the pain, assuring me that he's here, telling me " it wont hurt anymore, just let me in"



i can hear the tears in his pained voice, i can see his livid face in my mind, yelling at me. His face flushed red, not with anger but with fear and pain and maybe anger, too. anger channeled towards the side of me who's giving up, who's not trusting him enough.



he's on his knees, banging at the door, never once losing hope in me, never once losing hope in who he knows i am deep down inside, never once giving up on who he knows i can truly be. and me, on the other side of the door, im about to give up. i cant take it anymore. i've lost too much blood. the wounds are cut too deep. it just too painful to hold on anymore. i knew peace, serenity, and numbness were just a footstep away. but i dont think i even have the strength to take that step. how i wish to even be licked by those flames of comfort, a place where pain doesnt exist, only peace.



somewhere far off in my conscious mind, i tried to reach for the door. to let him in so that he would stop that awful racket of banging. but no matter how hard i tried to cross the room to feel the coolness of the doorknob beneath my fingertips, i just cant seem to reach it. i keep tripping over the things thrown all over the floor. i keep falling over the mess. and each time i fall, i get cut again. again and again. the numerous times i have fallen - can you even start to imagine how many gashes have torn apart my soft skin? can you imagine how much life- running-blood i've lost?



i still cant seem to open the door. everytime i see the handle within my grasp, i reach out and my palms wet with fresh blood feels the disappointment and frustration of the doorknob sliding away yet again.



im much too weak to carry on any longer.

my blood is dripping.........







draining........









slowly, drop by drop......





leaving my soul, dry...









.......empty.

everything from everywhere just keeps stabbing my already throbbing, bleeding heart.

everything from everywhere seems to keep reminding me that im useless.
i think im good, but ha, as if. what i can do is only a cent of what the least of the people can do.

everything from everywhere seems to be screaming at me to give up, and get a new life, what for hang on, i;ll never be able to reach the top anyway. wont it be worse to hang on, knowing that no matter how hard i climb i can never reach the goal, than to just let go, and fall into the darkness of the valleys below, allowing myself to be envelopped in the whisper of the silence in the world i once knew before.

why does it have to go this way

It sucks to sit here, with that sinking feeling, like my heart is in my intestine.

feeling so helpless and useless.
what used to serve as motivation now comes as conviction and provoke-tion.
as i see you, all i can hear you saying is
"you can never do this, so why are you still fighting? "

I can never do this, so why am i still fighting?
Why am i still holding on dreams that will never come true, whats the use of that.
a big waste of my efforts.
I can NEVER be that good, no matter how i hard i try.
there are so many things that i wanna do, but will it ever be possible??
I want to fly, but who's going to teach me how to spread my wings?
I want to jump, but who's going to teach me to use my knees?
I want to run and flip and tumble and just for once, do what i REALLY want to do,
but will it, WILL IT EVER BE POSSIBLE?

sitting here, crying, wont help.
but getting up and trying isnt any better
so whats the point.

Some things you just cant do it on your own.
Some things you just need someone there to guide you and push you.
to show you the right way of doing things.
When will my "someone" come along?

My guess?
NEVER.

So why am i still grasping on to that thin thread of hope that i someday will be who i know i have the potential to be, with the right coaching.
Why am i still hoping?
its pointless.

I will never get the chance to learn all those things you can do.
I will never get the chance to spread my wings, or even to leap into the air.
Time is running out on me.

I will never get that chance to learn.
all those things that i dreamt of since i was a little girl.
dreams that will never come true.

Dreams, are they just stars?
so far away, beautiful to look at, but no matter how hard i flap my wings, i can never reach them.
They're just............



too far away.

Why not aim for the clouds instead? they're nearer.
Or the rain? you dont even have to reach, it showers itself on you.

or even better, dont dream at all, coz you're going to be let down by your own dreams anyway.

Sports Day ' 09

well, dont worry, i dont have any photos.
but words speak a thousand pictures right ? ;)

so started off, i was late for senamrobik practice which didnt actually happen so yeah.

marked attendance, practiced aerobik coz i forgot everything d.
then came the destined moment.

"ACARA SENAMROBIK"

so students of all four colour houses came running into the fiekd screaming in hopes of lifting the spirit or aerobicz, but we namely failed to do so.
got in to our places and music starts. WOO!
"we're all in this together (slowly)...."
STRETCH STRETCH STRETCH.

then second song - hasta la vista. got quite a really good start.
then came the chorus. and guess what?
due to the semi wet grass, and my favourite pair of school shoes + my favourite pair of socks = shoes that tend to fall off.

but NO, my shoes didnt fall off.

*khe duk*

and now i cant feel my right arm.

I FELL DOWN in front of all the VIPS!!
and my right arm is still numb. might have hit the nerve or something.

and at the big bang ending. someone who was supposed to be a base for ema's split wasnt there???
i mean like what the heck???! you left us hanging, like literally!!!


so after that it was like
Lisa : hey sarah i heard you fell down!! during aerobics
Sarah : yeah lisa, i did! thank you! i feel so honoured.
Lisa smiles.
Sarah laughs.
Ema goes like "wHATTT??"

anyways.
what else do you do on sports day?? than sit there and watch ppl run right?? lol. and dominoes.

results came and YELLOW HOUSE lost!!!! after winning for a decade!!! (i think)
yeah, suckish right??

neways, my first sports day in CGL was kinda fun. talked alot with ema. told her the whole story of Definitely, Maybe

PS. my hand is still numb.

Ishk

some DUMB ppl change their college intake from march to june just coz he saja.
AHAHAHAHA

:p

first up,
THANKS ppl in my cbox for speaking! ;)

next up, i just found out i was a really cute baby/toddler last time. well from my point of view laa. HAHA. and my dad was HANDSOME ever since standard 6. thats the youngest photo we had of him. lol. and mom looks as young as ever. lol (though she looked like dracula on her wedding day, well, EVERYONE looked like dracula. HAHAHAHA)

why the sudden photo talk? well, my house got flooded the other day due to a blocked drain and AHEM someone who din noe ther was a tap....anyways, the whole downstairs got flooded and part of clearing up was clearing out the store room and we found TONS of photo albums! lol. and THAT has inspired me to starta photo album collection too, so that my kids can one day also look at pics of her parents ;)

AHAHA
sounds absurd??
LOL


anyways, the following is dedicated to Matthew Tai Sy Khai

Dear Matt, even though i've only known you for 18 months, i know you have puffy eyes, i already know about your "allergy" to japanese food that made us all cant eat japanese food when we're out with you, your liking to BOLOGNAISE spaghetti instead of carbonara...and your crazy obsession over badminton and climbing mountains?? GOOD THING i din follow you that time, in fear of you throwing me off penang hill......and i still dont know how you actually run up a skate board ramp. AHAHA. ok lets get serious.

WELL, you are one SARCASTIC person, and i LOVE that about you. you make me laugh when i cant laugh anymore and make me look like a sakkai laughing to myself in the room....BUT still, you're awesomely crazy and funny. (sounds so cliche). and also your ability to send LONG messages....heehee. and all the CRAZY things you come up with at times.....just makes life so colourful. and how you surprise me sometimes.,... is just so...........SURPRISING. LOL.

as you're leaving the island of FOOD behind, i just want to wish you ,"yi2 lu4 shun4 feng1".....in college and in life. Continue stengthing your walk with God, gloryfying his name and continue living life according to Gods will and ENJOY life. i noe food in KL sucks, but hang in there aight, you can come back during term break. ;) have fun packing all your stuffs today, DONT FORGET your underwear because you can be assured i WONT be bringing it for you. Dont get lost on campus and end up in a girls bathroom k? coz if you do, i'll deny ever knowing you. stop bleeding from your nose whenever you see hot girls aight to prevent yourself from loosing too much blood. LOL. corry im crapping so much.

Lastly, whenever you have any problems, dont hesitate to message me. BUT first thing you gotta remember is to PRAY. remind you now first, so that if you remember then maybe you wont sms me coz i'd probably say the same thing, but i'll still enjoy listening to your crazy masalah. heehee. i know this thing im saying doesnt exactly sound nice, but who cares. Lol. Have fun in college, in kl, and dont forget the pleasures of char keuy teow! All of us here will miss you alot. :) BYE!!

what if it's all too soon?
what if i should wait?
what if im not strong enough?
what if this is not right?
what if it's not God's will?
what if this the path leading to my heart being broken again and im on that very path right now?
what if i've committed myself too soon?
what if i have a change of heart?
what if im not able to live up to standards?
what if i cant do it?
what if i cant succeed?
what if im doubting myself too much?
what if it wont work out?
what if i should do something?
what if i should just give up?
what if all this is just a fantasy?
what if its all a dream?
what if i wake up too soon?
what if this is all a mistake?
what if all these if just giving me false hope?
what if i hurt anyone?
what if all this that is happening is not supposed to happen?
what if i did anything too rash?
what if i was ignorant of the truth, went against the flow and now realise its all wrong?

BUT what if its not all wrong?
what if God's saying he's testing my faith in Him.
what if God's asking me to trust in him more.
what if God's telling me that its ALRIGHT to feel this way
what if God's telling me its alright to run out of things to say.
what if God's saying that He will ALWAYS be there.
what if God's telling me to seek first His kingdom.

what if all this is right in the first place?

This is beautiful. Try not to cryShe jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: 'How is my little boy ? Is he going to be all right ? When can I see him ?' The surgeon said, 'I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it.' Sally said, 'Why do little children get cancer ? Doesn't God care any more ? Where were you, God, when my son needed you ?' The surgeon asked, 'Would you like some time alone with your son ? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university.' Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. 'Would you like a lock of his hair ?' the nurse asked. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally. The mother said, 'It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. 'I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom.' She went on, 'My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could.' Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car. The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room. She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She laid down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep. It was around midnight when Sally awoke . Laying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said : 'Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say 'I Love You'. I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad th inking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD ! And guess what, Mom ? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom, God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'Where was He when I needed him ?' 'God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children. Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool ? I have to give God His pen back now He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The cancer is all gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent Th e Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery ! How about that ? Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.
( Let's see Satan stop this one.) Take 60 seconds and repost this, within the hour, you will have caused a multitude of believers to pray to God for each other. Then sit back and feel the Holy Spirit work in your life for doing what you know God loves 'When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.'

Oh no

School is just as fun as always.

and guess what people?

BALLET EXAM is in TWO MONTHS people! TWO MONTHS!
TWO MONTHS that sound really long but its not!~

thats like 15 more classes to perfect everything!
my jumps and everything! omygoodness i dont even know the heads and hands and legs for all my work.
oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no.

ok so thats the worse part of life or whatever you call it, but SO WHAT, i have GOD right??
lol

anyways, i was just wondering, do ppl sometimes feel like giving up?
its like everything's so hard, and its getting harder and harder as you go higher and higher, and sometimes you just feel like stopping all of these, but then you fret at the thought of stopping, because you LOVE it so much?

take my ballet for instance. go youtube and you can see videos of amazing ballet dancers, and for me, i want to be like that, i mean, the amount of strength, control, grace, and discipline they have is just amazing. i step into the ballet studio trying to be like that but i dont have that strength and its sometimes just so hard and i feel like giving up , but then its just so enjoyable and fun, that i cant even imagine myself without ballet. safe to say, i LOVE ballet.

and somehow i think maybe we should have that same love for God. we all know it gets so hard sometimes, but we just keep on going, some thing in us that cant even imagine stopping.

:)

night market

due to me being in awkward admiration of ppl who keep their blogs updated like almost DAILY (the daily post? ) , i decided that i shall also update my almost dead blog (not including the cbox! ;) .

so what has been going on lately, you might ask?

well, first there was school.and school. and school
but lets not forget the little details in between that makes life beautiful.
but that does not mean that school is not ROCKIN'!

lol. so just some random events or happenings to keep you entertained?

lets start with somethings ringing aloud in my mind. lets just call it .

THE CHUN-ness of LISA.

hmm...k so i have this really CUTE friend , Jin Fo, and Lisa (i think dixon knows her).
and to cut the long story short, jin fo was kneeling down on my right side, beside my table, and Lisa was at her table on my left. and the pandai-ness of me went and tell jin fo to throw the paper tape bola she had at lisa and see her reaction.
little did i know, lisa sangat chun-nya.

and just when jin fo threw the paper ball at lisa, lisa turned around and guess what??

..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..

YES. it her head! right in the middle of the forehead. and lisa's expression was.......AHAHAHAHA. its un explainable!! lol (no offence, lisa!) but it was HILARIOUS. Jin fo and i laughed till we cried and our tummy aches! though we were not rolling on the floor.

see? its these little things that makes life BEAUTIFUL. :)



has any of you heard my sister's famous
" i didnt know the beach got so much sand wan! "

yeah, thats just one of it. there's more -
like
" 1 kilo is how heavy ar? "

or

"mummy ar, what's in the mushroon soup ar?"

and my ten year old cousin goes "MUSHROOM la!"
which really broke the ice at my NEW YEARS dinner.

lol. it made me laugh k!
lol. my sis is just hilarious. or maybe she's jsut a dumb BOOB?

:P

i seriously dont know what to say anymore.

except that i have a sudden obsession for POINTE SHOES AND WEDDING GOWNS.
:)


and i LOVE the beach.

morning, afternoon, evening, night.
ANYTIME of the day :)
and i love swimming. :)

sorry about the random-ness of the things mentioned, but i just want to say it :)

oh guess what?
my pink possesions family has just been joined by 2 other family members
- pink make up bag
- maroon pink cheong sam

these two joined with my
-hot pink swimsuit
-glitter pink purse
-hot pink handbag

why, you may ask, the sudden rush for PINK?
lets just say, i blame it on SHARPAY?

oh and btw, she's my favourite HSM character.

i think thats all.
oh two more and im done.

i hate this part in the song I'm Yours by Jason Mraz
"...scootch over closer dear And I will nibble your ear"

AND

i love this part in the song Love Story by Taylor Swift
" ...Marry me, Juliet, and you never have to be alone..."

RANDOM MUCH?

yes thank you ;)

signing off.