you DONT know me

you THINK you do,
but you DONT.

dont judge me by my looks.
to some of you, i might be hot and sexy,
and ya'll think im somekind of player,
dressing to impress, seduce and atrract
only God knows wad you think of me.

some of you think i look like shit,
but hell, i dont give a damn what you think of me
coz thats just the way i am.
God made me who i am,
made me the way i look right now.
so i dont give a shit about
what ya'll think of me.

some of you think i'm living the life of
the rich and the famous,
but im NOT.
ya'll think i have alot of "true" friends,
but i DONT.
you think i'm all smiles, all day long, 24/7,
not a grief in my life, not a shit, not a mess-up,
thinking i have everything done for me,
but you're WRONG.

some of you think you know how it
feels like to be in my shoes, in my life.
but let me repeat, you DONT.

my life is not exactly hell,
but im trying to live it to the full.
developing my talents,
maturing in my emotions,
understanding relationships,
growing in faith,
being myself and
finding my true friends.

wanna know wad TRUE FRIENDS are?
they're people who acknowledges their friends when they coinsidently
meet each other somewhere.
NOT people who, instead say hi to my sister and everything.
and nothing said to me, when im standing just beside my sister.
dont give me the shit that those ppl and i are not familliar enough yet..
coz thats just f***ing crap. i've danced with those ppl. seen them, talked to them.
and ya'll just treat me like that?

i have had enough of this shit. that everyone treats me like im air.
invisible and making it seem like im not in their midst.
why should i waste my time on ppl like this?
waste my efforts thinking about how much
these ppl have hurt me?
leaving my eyes swimming with ghosts of the past events.
shards of my broken heart are reflected in my eyes.

whenever you see me smile,
you think that my life is perfect,
but its NOT.
just like i said, you DONT know me.
my life is far from being perfect,
in fact, it's the total opposite of being perfect.

ya'll think that im a very forgiving person, but im NOT.
i do NOT forgive easily, especially if you have broken my heart so badly.

anyone of you reading this stupid blog post now ever wondered
why towards the end of last year, i hardly ever come to youth service anymore?
its because of this problem that i do not forgive easily, and my shattered heart
does not heal easily.

but i know better now. since ya'll always treat me like im vermin, not worthy to even acknowledge, then fine, i'll do the same whenever i see you. coz a friend like you is not even worty of acknowledgement. i go to church because of GOD, and not because of vermin like you.
so DONT talk to me if you dont want to, i ain't forcing you to.
DONT say hi and fake that smile if you cant, coz in the end it'll all come down to be unsincere and meaningless.

when some of you, maybe ALL of you, read this post, you'll be thinking that im just another snobby rich kid, jealous of the others being able to have what they call "true" friends in youth,
you'll be thinking that i just wanna be right and prove ya'll wrong, you'll think this is revenge that im taking on ya'll.
but you're WRONG about that.
so dont suddenly be nice to me and anything like that if you dont mean it, coz i wont appreciate it either.