Why are you doing this to me?

God, why do you have to put me through this?

Why are you tearing my heart out, shredding me to pieces?

Why?

why did you make it possible for me to be stabbed this way?

couldn's you have killed me quickly, silently?

why did you have to torture me, putting me through all the hurt?

isn't letting go painful enough, that now i have to bear the pain for it?





DON'T I HAVE ENOUGH GOING ON IN MY LIFE?

haven't you put me through enough?

is there still more to come, because i sure as hell cant take anymore.












please......spare me.
i'm begging you, Lord.

Happiest time of my life?

the time when I open my eyelids. pulling myself out of slumber.

no memory of time, no date, no day.
no names, no work, no problems.
no good, no bad.

less than 10 seconds, before everything comes flooding back.
A few seconds of blissful oblivion to anything that happened or will happen.

I pull my eyelids open every morning, just for this moment of blankness.
If it weren't for this, I would have long stayed down under without surfacing to this harsh world of poison.

In my happy place

I'm a useless piece of messed-up shit.









freaked up

Jaiho

Exams over. obviously.
Heck them.










we shall not talk

i take up your challenge.

you wanna see how long i can last?
i'll freaking show you.

God i need you to show yourself to me in a BIG, OBVIOUS way.

a way that i wont mistake you for my imaginations, or my own thoughts.

in a way that will make me say "whoa, that was so freaking awesome. its GOD"

i need it.

is it possible?

a simple act of no big meaning,
could impact someone's life radically.

a simple email, showed me that my year wasnt wasted, that there are still people who care.
and its just so nice knowing that theres still someone who has you on their mind.

dont you think so?

can i call this the best day i had lived through for a long time?

i guess there were many other best days,

this one was just more distinct.

currently addicted to

Secret Valentine - We The Kings

Kristy, are you doing okay? - The Offspring

Skyway Avenue - We The Kings

rock on!

the rain has stop falling

the gray skies are finally clearing up

the sun is rising

the day is getting brighter

Losing faith

why are you doing this to me?

what have i done wrong?

why do you have to put me through this?

is it too much to ask of you?

>aren't tears supposed to be salty?



......... mine isn't.


have my tastebuds become numb to the taste of tears?















the injustice is killing me from the inside out.

when the safest place to be becomes the most dangerous.




when your heaven turns to hell.




when nowhere else seems to be safe anymore



when heaven doesnt seem to exist anymore.

when things couldnt have gotten any worse.............















.....it did.

should i be completely letting go, and totally erasing all the hope from heart, or anybody elses heart for that matter?

nothing pays off.

holding on defininitely doesnt.

its too hard to go on.

everything is going against me.

who would've known things would end up this way.