why does it have to go this way

It sucks to sit here, with that sinking feeling, like my heart is in my intestine.

feeling so helpless and useless.
what used to serve as motivation now comes as conviction and provoke-tion.
as i see you, all i can hear you saying is
"you can never do this, so why are you still fighting? "

I can never do this, so why am i still fighting?
Why am i still holding on dreams that will never come true, whats the use of that.
a big waste of my efforts.
I can NEVER be that good, no matter how i hard i try.
there are so many things that i wanna do, but will it ever be possible??
I want to fly, but who's going to teach me how to spread my wings?
I want to jump, but who's going to teach me to use my knees?
I want to run and flip and tumble and just for once, do what i REALLY want to do,
but will it, WILL IT EVER BE POSSIBLE?

sitting here, crying, wont help.
but getting up and trying isnt any better
so whats the point.

Some things you just cant do it on your own.
Some things you just need someone there to guide you and push you.
to show you the right way of doing things.
When will my "someone" come along?

My guess?
NEVER.

So why am i still grasping on to that thin thread of hope that i someday will be who i know i have the potential to be, with the right coaching.
Why am i still hoping?
its pointless.

I will never get the chance to learn all those things you can do.
I will never get the chance to spread my wings, or even to leap into the air.
Time is running out on me.

I will never get that chance to learn.
all those things that i dreamt of since i was a little girl.
dreams that will never come true.

Dreams, are they just stars?
so far away, beautiful to look at, but no matter how hard i flap my wings, i can never reach them.
They're just............



too far away.

Why not aim for the clouds instead? they're nearer.
Or the rain? you dont even have to reach, it showers itself on you.

or even better, dont dream at all, coz you're going to be let down by your own dreams anyway.