heartbreak

why does almost everything in my life gotta do with my ex??
it hurts..
everytime i think of these things, i have an urge to cry
but i force my self to hold back those tears and think it through..
it was i who wanted to break up with him 3 months ago..
when i made that decision, i kept thinking about what he did not do, never once did i think about what he did do..
at that time, the only things in my mind were
"he doesn't give a damn about me, does he?"
"does he still love me as much as he did last time?"
"he doesn't call anymore, and i clearly remember him agreeing to call me everyday"
"he doesn't even look at me when i talk to him"

was i too sensitive??
maybe he had reasonable reasons for all those things he did not do?
maybe he doesn't have time to call?
maybe he's too shy to look at me?
i don't know..

after breaking up, we started to lead different lifes
our lifes stopped intervening with each other.
i heard he had another girlfriend after me.
and i started to have feelings for some other guys..
but i felt like there was a hole in my heart that could not be filled with feelings for those guys..

recently, we chatted online.
he said he would call me when he has the time.
2 days later, he called.
we talked for more than 2 and a half hours.
after that, i started to realise that that hole in my heart could only be filled with feelings for him..
and him alone.

but i was too late.
he was already taken by the time i wanted to get back with him.
i was crushed when i found out.
this is my own mistake.
if only i hadn't broken up with him
things might still be fine..
and with great mistakes comes great grieve and heartbreak..

nowadays, he swims in and out of my mind all the time..
and my thoughts are drowned with memories of him..
but i have to leave all those memories behind, get over him and move on with my life..

and i know god will help me with that.
so will my friends