i dont know if it helps

by blogging about it.
seriously, i wanna talk to someone about it.
but i cant coz everyone else is asleep.
so i guess the only way is for me to blog about it and just
hope and pray that it'll make me feel better about IT.
(i'll use nicknames in this post to avoid anything, whatever it is)

okayy...
where to start....where to start....
but first let me state that some of you might not understand this post,
coz i cant make it too obvious wad im talking about,
but yet again, you might understand coz i seem to give myself
away very easily. anyways i'll try to be mumm about the thing i'm supposed to..

err...so. last night, he asked me to go play badminton.
(dont ask who he is, coz i aint gonna say a thing)
and well, since its the hols, i might as well go. so go.

which brings us to today, or rather this evening.
i was kinda freaking out, coz honestly, i dont have any idea
how to play badminton, and what if i make a fool of myself??
i was so totally freaking myself out!
my hands and feet went ice cold,
i felt like throwing up what i had for lunch,
and my tummy didnt feel well,
so you could see how very nervous i was.
it was a good thing, michelle went with me..
coz if she didnt, i think i would have been shivering from head to toe.

half an hour after my freaking frenzy,
though im not saying that i was calmed down..
but i think i felt better than i would have if i were to go alone.
so the journey there was ok.
ok as in like i did not get car sick and throw up.

lets skip the whole meeting at mcd and going there part.

got to the courts and i dunno wad happened.
mich and i sat down. he went and played with his friend and
he was like so damn good! you dont have to be a badminton pro
or wad to tell that he was ho liao. i dont think i've seen anyone play
that well before, except on television, but thats so different than
watching the real thing. i'll stop blabbering about the way
he played coz even if i ded, it wont explain half of how it was.
you wont get the picture.

err....after much persuasion, mich and i finally decided to
get our fat asses off the WOODEN bench (that killed my butt) and play.
though i wouldnt say it went well.
first i got hit by a shuttlecock from mich,
then i got hit by his raquet, and guess wad?
after that i got hit in the head by a shuttlecock form mich AGAIN!
but i dont think it's mich's fault that i got hit by
the shuttlecock twice in a row because i believe the shuttlecock
was actually a very stubborn baby chicken pretending to be a shuttlecock.
it just wont go the way i want it to, so im assuming it
had a very big grudge on me. and i actually got one of
those shuttlecocks which were really chicks pretending
to be shuttlecocks stuck at one of those lights.
so i guess its because of that, that it hates me. or maybe its because
i kept missing and dropping them,
that they hated me. i cant blame the shuttlecock that is
actually a chick for that,
i noe i sucked at the game, and it would be a
miracle for any shuttlecock NOT to hate me,
which i believe would never happen. believe me.

and while we were playing, he was like "teaching" me some stuff.
but i couldnt decipher half of the things he said.
coz it sounded like he was speaking gibberish.
but it was not gibberish, nor was it any form or foreign language.
it was what i call the "badminton language".

definition of the "badminton language" : a language where only badminton players can understand.

so as you can very well see, i couldnt really understand what he was saying.
though i think i heard some words with the word "hand" in it.
and i THINK it must be somekind of way to handle the raquet.
i dunno. im just making a wild guess.


after about 3 hours++ there, he walked mich and i to a mcdonalds nearby,
where we were suppose to meet my mom,
and bring us home. and as you can very well guess,
my mom sorta blew her top for making her wait for
so long in mcdonalds.
but im not going to comment any further on that.

dropped mich back at her home, said our
goodbyes and thank youS and
my mom and i were on or way back home.

ok..this is the part that im CONFUNDED about.
you see...normally, if i go for things like that.
and i mean like stuff that i actually didnt want to go at first
but went in the end, and not regret it..
usually, i would be thrilled and what i call "madly happy",
smiling at any and every thing, since i plucked up the courage to go,
but it was different today. i dont know why. instead, im actually
feeling abit sad? down? unhappy? "un-smiley"? no mood? mei you xin qing?

i dont know!!!

its the first time this kinda thing has ever
happened to me and i dont know whats wrong.
maybe by emotional system broke down or something.
nothing "bad" happened, and i was actually quite happy...
but when i got home,
things change 180 in less than a minute.
and i know its unusual for me to feel like that.
very unusual. but i seriously dont know what and why
im feeling like that on this
particular night after the wonderous events of the past evening.

or maybe its just because that im extremely tired right now,
and dont have the energy to feel HAPPY. i dont know.

i talked to my cousin about this just now and she said its
because im tired and she asked me to go sleep and
see how i feel about wad happened.

and right now, im gonna take her advice and go to bed.
my eyes can hardly open anymore.
im prising it open with every ounce of energy
i can muster up frm my weakened body. and i think i would
have to prop my eyelids up on sticks if i dont turn in soon.

so tata for now.