oh shoot! my phone's out! it died. temporarily.
so i think i'll go pluck in into the charger and i think i;ll juz go off to bed.
long day tomorrow.

P.S. i dun understand how ppl can fall asleep while sms-ing on the phone with someone else. its SO irratating. its like, you reply the person, and you wait like hell, but he doesnt reply either. ishk. and the next day, he tells you that he FELL ASLEEP! my goodness!

unlike moi..i ALWAYS stay up until its my friend that says he wanna sleep,
i'm never the one to accidently fall asleep.
i always wait for the good nights.
well, except for that one time when i was so damn dog tired,
and i couldnt tahan, so i said good night at around 9.00 pm.
but guess what? he wont let me sleep!!
ishkk. he keep asking me stupid questions like why i wanna sleep so early and STUFF like that.
and since i was so nice, i replied him kayy..
grrr... and everytime it's not like he reply very fast oso.
he always has to wait until im like HALF-ASLEEP,
then oni he reply. so damn frustating la wei.
urgh! and in the end, i ended up sleeping at 1 am!
he kept me up for 3 hours!
torture it was to be nicely falling asleep...50% to SLEEP-dom,
and suddenly be jerked awake by his messages for like a thousand times,
before he said good night. it was so dumb!
but it was fun. lol. interesting topic we were talking about..hehe. *evil laugh*

realise im talking about this PARTICULAR guy?

phew!

im finally done!!
re-marking my favourite contacts on my hotmail list.
all 168 of them!! i noe it 168 sounds little to you..
but when you have to go through each and every contact, its hell.

you have ta click on their name, then click 'edit', then check the
'mark as a favourite contact' box, (if you wan to).. then click 'save' ..
and imagine doing that 168 times!

okok. that's outta the question.
lets start a short week update. starting on last saturday, the 22nd.

err.. i flunked saturdsay school activities again. lazed around at home mostly.
then i went for ballet trial exams in the evening, and off to church right afterthat.
so now you noe why my hair was so tightly in a bun last week
( if you wondering, i had to use gel and hairspray, coz we had to look NEAT. hey, come on, its ballet not hip hop. lol)

monday : school

tuesday : school

wednesday : school

thursday : school

friday : school

OK, let me make it clear. i dont really listen to the teachers in school nowadays. i wld be spending my time talking to my friend about........... yea, so i dont listen to the tch.

hey wait! i missed out sunday, the 23rd. ok.....err, church in the morning, hip hop right after that, then gym right after hiphop, then i went home, took a bath and flopped down on da bed. interesting isn't it, my sunday? lol. was supposed to go and have dinner with my grandmere, but then dance tch, suddenly said that white snake practice was on that night (it was not supposed to be), and all of it was so last minute. but i din go anyway, lol. neither did eunice or yen ying.

saturday (today) : flunked co-curricular activities YET AGAIN. i haven't been going like since the march hols. and the total count is like 7 times. i've missed 7 times! but on the plus side, you wont get any demerits for doing that. you cant blame me for not wanting to go, i get really bad headaches when i do, thats why i rather stay away. lazed around in bed AGAIN. got up from bed, and lazed around the house. then i went for ballet in the evening, and to church.

thats all for my week update. short eh?
now for some extras.

extra 1 : im currently asking 100 ppl " what do you do when you;re angry? how do you let go of your anger?" and im looking for the weirdest possible answer. and also the most dangerous one.

extra 2 : i;ve been reading alot of SHOPAHOLIC recently. i've read shopaholic ties the knot, shopaholic and sister, and right now im reading confessions of a shopaholic. and i HAVE got to admit, shopaholic and sister is THE most touching book i have EVER read! its a good read. ya'll should get it to.

extra 3 : church tomorrow morning, hip hop right after that, then gym right after hip hop, go home, bathe, flopped down on the bed. interesting eh, my sunday? lol. capoeira work shop in the night.

thats REALLY all for now.

i noe this post seems abit dull, coz im really lazy to put in all the different colours right now. lol

ciao.

(ps. capoeira work shop tonight. i noe its some sorta brazillian martial art / game / dance. hope it'll be fun)

urgh! STOP leading me on!

you see...
a bloody soundcard that's spoiled could make me miserable.
not being able to play o2jam kills me.

what more if its a guy who keeps leading me on?
making it seem like he's after me, but in actual fact he's not.

it's frustrating!
so pls STOP>

thx

im still waiting,

patiently waiting, waiting for my

"...and they lived happily ever after",

my happy ending in my life story,
THIS story im in right now.

still waiting and waiting and waiting for an
ending..a happy one.
kinda like the ones in cinderella or sleeping beauty.

haih.......i have to continue being patient.
being who i am.

fight with all my might in
this battle for his heart.
this battle for my romeo's heart.

i will stay strong till the end.
i will not give up till i win.
believe me.
i repeat, i will NOT give up.

:)

whoo-hoo!!

im smiling, im happy, im crazy!

the smile is back on my face where it RIGHTFULLY belongs.

im "madly happy".

and im singing again!!

XD

i believe im feeling much better now.
im even smiling and singing already!

after spilling everything to my cousin
about what happened in the last six months.

thx for listening, charmaine!! love ya!

why oh why?

why must this happen to me?
why me, and not anyone else?
i hate being confused; confuded....
this thing troubling my mind right now..
its getting out of hand. its affecting my life. its Not a good thing.

ever experienced a sudden change of emotions?
change as in like 180 degrees change in a split of a second.
happy to depressed?
trouble free to worrisome?
and upturned smile becomes a downturned frown?

if you haven't experienced any of that, then you better
hope and pray that you will never ever.
'cause it sucks! im not saying this for the sake of saying it.
im saying it coz i need an outlet, to let it all go.
not all, but at least just some.
its not anything you could enjoy and brag about.

it just makes you feel so trapped within yourself,
and you cant find your way out.
you keep trying and trying, but nothing happens.
you're still trapped.
you turn to friends for help, but it doesn't work.
it makes your life "hell".

im saying all this based on my previous post.
there's one more thing i should add : i really really like this guy.
so that makes it even more headache-some for me to try
and decipher all these messages my big brain is sending me.
all i keep getting is
"you like him, but why.....?"
"nothing bad happened, but why.....?"
"why?! whats wrong with me?!"

and im starting to get REAL headaches now..
when i went for contemp class just now,
i just didnt feel like i always did when i went for class.
it was almost like hell.
oh no, im not complaining about having to do all those routines.
it felt like hell 'cause my emotions were in the cause of exploding.
but i couldnt let it. so i let it out through my dancing.
i kept catching myself staring blankly into space.
and twice i had to hold back my warm tears from falling into my laps.

i seriously dont know whats wrong.
and i keep pondering on this same question
"why? why did i feel like that all of the sudden?"
but the answer never gets to me.

i should be happy. it's only logical to be happy.
but well, i guess there are some things in life
that just cant be logical, can it?

someone save me from this. get me out of this.
cheer me up, put the smile back on my face
where it rightfully belongs.
and i just hope its you.

i dont know if it helps

by blogging about it.
seriously, i wanna talk to someone about it.
but i cant coz everyone else is asleep.
so i guess the only way is for me to blog about it and just
hope and pray that it'll make me feel better about IT.
(i'll use nicknames in this post to avoid anything, whatever it is)

okayy...
where to start....where to start....
but first let me state that some of you might not understand this post,
coz i cant make it too obvious wad im talking about,
but yet again, you might understand coz i seem to give myself
away very easily. anyways i'll try to be mumm about the thing i'm supposed to..

err...so. last night, he asked me to go play badminton.
(dont ask who he is, coz i aint gonna say a thing)
and well, since its the hols, i might as well go. so go.

which brings us to today, or rather this evening.
i was kinda freaking out, coz honestly, i dont have any idea
how to play badminton, and what if i make a fool of myself??
i was so totally freaking myself out!
my hands and feet went ice cold,
i felt like throwing up what i had for lunch,
and my tummy didnt feel well,
so you could see how very nervous i was.
it was a good thing, michelle went with me..
coz if she didnt, i think i would have been shivering from head to toe.

half an hour after my freaking frenzy,
though im not saying that i was calmed down..
but i think i felt better than i would have if i were to go alone.
so the journey there was ok.
ok as in like i did not get car sick and throw up.

lets skip the whole meeting at mcd and going there part.

got to the courts and i dunno wad happened.
mich and i sat down. he went and played with his friend and
he was like so damn good! you dont have to be a badminton pro
or wad to tell that he was ho liao. i dont think i've seen anyone play
that well before, except on television, but thats so different than
watching the real thing. i'll stop blabbering about the way
he played coz even if i ded, it wont explain half of how it was.
you wont get the picture.

err....after much persuasion, mich and i finally decided to
get our fat asses off the WOODEN bench (that killed my butt) and play.
though i wouldnt say it went well.
first i got hit by a shuttlecock from mich,
then i got hit by his raquet, and guess wad?
after that i got hit in the head by a shuttlecock form mich AGAIN!
but i dont think it's mich's fault that i got hit by
the shuttlecock twice in a row because i believe the shuttlecock
was actually a very stubborn baby chicken pretending to be a shuttlecock.
it just wont go the way i want it to, so im assuming it
had a very big grudge on me. and i actually got one of
those shuttlecocks which were really chicks pretending
to be shuttlecocks stuck at one of those lights.
so i guess its because of that, that it hates me. or maybe its because
i kept missing and dropping them,
that they hated me. i cant blame the shuttlecock that is
actually a chick for that,
i noe i sucked at the game, and it would be a
miracle for any shuttlecock NOT to hate me,
which i believe would never happen. believe me.

and while we were playing, he was like "teaching" me some stuff.
but i couldnt decipher half of the things he said.
coz it sounded like he was speaking gibberish.
but it was not gibberish, nor was it any form or foreign language.
it was what i call the "badminton language".

definition of the "badminton language" : a language where only badminton players can understand.

so as you can very well see, i couldnt really understand what he was saying.
though i think i heard some words with the word "hand" in it.
and i THINK it must be somekind of way to handle the raquet.
i dunno. im just making a wild guess.


after about 3 hours++ there, he walked mich and i to a mcdonalds nearby,
where we were suppose to meet my mom,
and bring us home. and as you can very well guess,
my mom sorta blew her top for making her wait for
so long in mcdonalds.
but im not going to comment any further on that.

dropped mich back at her home, said our
goodbyes and thank youS and
my mom and i were on or way back home.

ok..this is the part that im CONFUNDED about.
you see...normally, if i go for things like that.
and i mean like stuff that i actually didnt want to go at first
but went in the end, and not regret it..
usually, i would be thrilled and what i call "madly happy",
smiling at any and every thing, since i plucked up the courage to go,
but it was different today. i dont know why. instead, im actually
feeling abit sad? down? unhappy? "un-smiley"? no mood? mei you xin qing?

i dont know!!!

its the first time this kinda thing has ever
happened to me and i dont know whats wrong.
maybe by emotional system broke down or something.
nothing "bad" happened, and i was actually quite happy...
but when i got home,
things change 180 in less than a minute.
and i know its unusual for me to feel like that.
very unusual. but i seriously dont know what and why
im feeling like that on this
particular night after the wonderous events of the past evening.

or maybe its just because that im extremely tired right now,
and dont have the energy to feel HAPPY. i dont know.

i talked to my cousin about this just now and she said its
because im tired and she asked me to go sleep and
see how i feel about wad happened.

and right now, im gonna take her advice and go to bed.
my eyes can hardly open anymore.
im prising it open with every ounce of energy
i can muster up frm my weakened body. and i think i would
have to prop my eyelids up on sticks if i dont turn in soon.

so tata for now.

algebra between U and me.

you DONT know me

you THINK you do,
but you DONT.

dont judge me by my looks.
to some of you, i might be hot and sexy,
and ya'll think im somekind of player,
dressing to impress, seduce and atrract
only God knows wad you think of me.

some of you think i look like shit,
but hell, i dont give a damn what you think of me
coz thats just the way i am.
God made me who i am,
made me the way i look right now.
so i dont give a shit about
what ya'll think of me.

some of you think i'm living the life of
the rich and the famous,
but im NOT.
ya'll think i have alot of "true" friends,
but i DONT.
you think i'm all smiles, all day long, 24/7,
not a grief in my life, not a shit, not a mess-up,
thinking i have everything done for me,
but you're WRONG.

some of you think you know how it
feels like to be in my shoes, in my life.
but let me repeat, you DONT.

my life is not exactly hell,
but im trying to live it to the full.
developing my talents,
maturing in my emotions,
understanding relationships,
growing in faith,
being myself and
finding my true friends.

wanna know wad TRUE FRIENDS are?
they're people who acknowledges their friends when they coinsidently
meet each other somewhere.
NOT people who, instead say hi to my sister and everything.
and nothing said to me, when im standing just beside my sister.
dont give me the shit that those ppl and i are not familliar enough yet..
coz thats just f***ing crap. i've danced with those ppl. seen them, talked to them.
and ya'll just treat me like that?

i have had enough of this shit. that everyone treats me like im air.
invisible and making it seem like im not in their midst.
why should i waste my time on ppl like this?
waste my efforts thinking about how much
these ppl have hurt me?
leaving my eyes swimming with ghosts of the past events.
shards of my broken heart are reflected in my eyes.

whenever you see me smile,
you think that my life is perfect,
but its NOT.
just like i said, you DONT know me.
my life is far from being perfect,
in fact, it's the total opposite of being perfect.

ya'll think that im a very forgiving person, but im NOT.
i do NOT forgive easily, especially if you have broken my heart so badly.

anyone of you reading this stupid blog post now ever wondered
why towards the end of last year, i hardly ever come to youth service anymore?
its because of this problem that i do not forgive easily, and my shattered heart
does not heal easily.

but i know better now. since ya'll always treat me like im vermin, not worthy to even acknowledge, then fine, i'll do the same whenever i see you. coz a friend like you is not even worty of acknowledgement. i go to church because of GOD, and not because of vermin like you.
so DONT talk to me if you dont want to, i ain't forcing you to.
DONT say hi and fake that smile if you cant, coz in the end it'll all come down to be unsincere and meaningless.

when some of you, maybe ALL of you, read this post, you'll be thinking that im just another snobby rich kid, jealous of the others being able to have what they call "true" friends in youth,
you'll be thinking that i just wanna be right and prove ya'll wrong, you'll think this is revenge that im taking on ya'll.
but you're WRONG about that.
so dont suddenly be nice to me and anything like that if you dont mean it, coz i wont appreciate it either.

A, B, C = disjoint partition of universal set.
Collection of non-empty subsets of U that are pairwise disjoint
and whose union is equal to the set of U.

oh, [annonymous]
you have made my heart a disjoint partition.

why cant you see that we are
meant to be a universal set?

Instead, you have turned my soul into
a collection of non-empty subsets.

I cannot believe that our love was
meant to be pairwise disjoint but rather
a union - equal to the set of U and me.

wow!! i din update for one month adee!!

lol
actually i got nothing much to say la.
but apparently, im obsessed with shirtless guys (so says matthew...swt")..but of they must have a hot bod laa. lol.

ohh and another thing..

i DON'T give a SHIT about school exams.
i DON'T give a damn whether i pass them anot.

so yea..thats about it for now.