sorrry ppls! lazy to update much...
hmm....singing competition that day, dawn and i dance. dikir puteri. nice tradisional malay song.
then today nothing lo. ed board meeting 2 periods, then run around the school. play with ppl's grapes and carrots. then go kacau 2H drama practice. SORRY! xD it was fun! "we're soaring!! flyyyyiinng!!!" hahahaa.
Friday, October 23, 2009
to different person now
> who was the one that said can be friends again. lemma. if really can be friends again, then we would be talking k. kk. talk to other ppl can la, comment on other ppl can la, but thisFRIEND cannot la is it. friends my pretty arse la, friends. dont say can STILL be friends, coz we freaking aint friends now. friends dont do this to friends. dao di what you want, i already did all i can, but you still treating me this way, you think i very neng shou is it. IM NOT A ROBOT!!!!!!!! i got feelings k. treat me like im what?! your shitt ar. pkm. i've had enough of ppl treating me this way! SICK of ppl treating me like im invisible, coz i aint fucking invisible. cant see me? your eyes got problem, go get some specs. le~ imagine someone do this to you, what would you feel? try think with your own brain la k. use your hati abit. dont treat certain humans like shit, coz one day ppl will treat you like shit too, you want?
Eulene, i love you, this not for you ;)
i wonder.. what are friends for. define friends.
what makes you qualify as a friend of someone?
what does someone have to do to be your friend.
if the term "friends" are too shallow, then what about "good friends" or "close friends"?
what are they? how do friends treat friends?
>sigh. its so tiring, trying to be YOUR friend, but i still continue trying, because you're a great person. but its so, so tiring. i try to be close to you, i try to talk to you, but you just treat me differently, on a hierarchy, im one or two steps lower than you and your friends. i wonder why its just you. the others are fine, but i just wonder why you wont want to tell me stuffs, why you would tell everyone else, but me. am i that different? havent i done enough to deserve your trust? sometimes i feel so used, you only come to me when you need things done, but other than that, im just a shadow. its sucks, im telling you, it fcuking sucks. though it wasnt like this before, we were quite okay, then suddenly you de-ranked me to levels lower than where you are on the social ladder. i still have my friends, but i also want to be a friend of yours, who you can talk to. but no, you wont tell me stuff, you wont tell me whats going on. do you know i feel when you dont look happy? do you know, i still care. oh yeah, you probably would know, because you would hear from other ppl that i ask around about you and whats going on with you. i just dont get why, you wont talk to me. i dont get why im just your 3rd hand in work. it sucks! i try to be good friends, but you just treat me like im invisible! just because you're famous, and popular. whatever happened to when we played around? those time are gone, arent they, since you became more and more popular. gosh. i just hope that one day you will realise it. i'll still continue being your friend for now, anything you want me to help you with, i'll do it with an all willing heart, but at the same time, hoping and hoping, that one day you'll consider me a FRIEND. because friends tell friends important stuff, like you wont be coming for the reunion. recently i've given up trying to talk to you, because i know you wont talk back, but i still care, i hope you realise it one day, friend.
what makes you qualify as a friend of someone?
what does someone have to do to be your friend.
if the term "friends" are too shallow, then what about "good friends" or "close friends"?
what are they? how do friends treat friends?
>sigh. its so tiring, trying to be YOUR friend, but i still continue trying, because you're a great person. but its so, so tiring. i try to be close to you, i try to talk to you, but you just treat me differently, on a hierarchy, im one or two steps lower than you and your friends. i wonder why its just you. the others are fine, but i just wonder why you wont want to tell me stuffs, why you would tell everyone else, but me. am i that different? havent i done enough to deserve your trust? sometimes i feel so used, you only come to me when you need things done, but other than that, im just a shadow. its sucks, im telling you, it fcuking sucks. though it wasnt like this before, we were quite okay, then suddenly you de-ranked me to levels lower than where you are on the social ladder. i still have my friends, but i also want to be a friend of yours, who you can talk to. but no, you wont tell me stuff, you wont tell me whats going on. do you know i feel when you dont look happy? do you know, i still care. oh yeah, you probably would know, because you would hear from other ppl that i ask around about you and whats going on with you. i just dont get why, you wont talk to me. i dont get why im just your 3rd hand in work. it sucks! i try to be good friends, but you just treat me like im invisible! just because you're famous, and popular. whatever happened to when we played around? those time are gone, arent they, since you became more and more popular. gosh. i just hope that one day you will realise it. i'll still continue being your friend for now, anything you want me to help you with, i'll do it with an all willing heart, but at the same time, hoping and hoping, that one day you'll consider me a FRIEND. because friends tell friends important stuff, like you wont be coming for the reunion. recently i've given up trying to talk to you, because i know you wont talk back, but i still care, i hope you realise it one day, friend.
Monday, October 19, 2009
This is MY blog
read the title. this blog happens to be mine and i have full rights to typed whatever i want, whenever i want.
so happens when i was posting the previous, "fcuked up " i was really feeling fucked up with all the crap that was typed out. i felt EXACTLY what i said i did. im SORRY im a freaking melancholy. im sorry i easily feel stuffs. im sorry i think too much. im sorry i always seem to be finding faults with myself. but thats just the way i am. and this blog is one of my main outlet. so mind my writing. if you're offended, let me know.
to . and ...... : at least have the balls to put your real name if you wanna comment. thanks
fcuked up ; i was just being very angry at myself. wondering why im now in this position. when i used to be there. didnt mean to offend anyone. i know im not normal like you all. i know im problematic and i need help. i'll admit that. my mind is tortured with my own thoughts. my moods are affected by my own mind. everything is internal. on the outside i look fine but there's a raging battle going on inside of me all the time. i can hear the screaming in my head even right now. i try to put up a strong front whenever im around you guys, all the #@$(&#@ but im still a girl on the inside. im still a weak little piece of shit that cant control my thoughts, my feelings, my actions. its agonizing. my head is always spinning around, always getting a headache,feeling as if my head is gonna blow up with all the thoughts running around. one moment i think that okay this is fine but the next, i want to commit suicide. i need help.
and writing helps me a little sometimes. so im SORRY to anyone i've offended along the way. im really sorry.
so happens when i was posting the previous, "fcuked up " i was really feeling fucked up with all the crap that was typed out. i felt EXACTLY what i said i did. im SORRY im a freaking melancholy. im sorry i easily feel stuffs. im sorry i think too much. im sorry i always seem to be finding faults with myself. but thats just the way i am. and this blog is one of my main outlet. so mind my writing. if you're offended, let me know.
to . and ...... : at least have the balls to put your real name if you wanna comment. thanks
fcuked up ; i was just being very angry at myself. wondering why im now in this position. when i used to be there. didnt mean to offend anyone. i know im not normal like you all. i know im problematic and i need help. i'll admit that. my mind is tortured with my own thoughts. my moods are affected by my own mind. everything is internal. on the outside i look fine but there's a raging battle going on inside of me all the time. i can hear the screaming in my head even right now. i try to put up a strong front whenever im around you guys, all the #@$(&#@ but im still a girl on the inside. im still a weak little piece of shit that cant control my thoughts, my feelings, my actions. its agonizing. my head is always spinning around, always getting a headache,feeling as if my head is gonna blow up with all the thoughts running around. one moment i think that okay this is fine but the next, i want to commit suicide. i need help.
and writing helps me a little sometimes. so im SORRY to anyone i've offended along the way. im really sorry.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
fcuked up
cant have the best of both worlds. realise im not one of them anymore. its all different now isnt it. just because i dont have the same type of friends as you all. just because i mix with different types of people. just because im more chinese ed. or hokkien what ever you call. just because im not PURE like you all. just because sometimes i have problems. just because i grew up different. just because im not that into studying. just because im more playful. just because i went away for a while. just because you think it was a mistake. jsut because i think its right. just because i was trying to help my friends out. just because we have different friends. just because i do some bad stuff. just because i cant stop. just because i have feelings for people. just because i like different people than you do. just because i dont look like you. just because im not someone big in position. just because im not a favourite. just because im not influential. just because im not doing what you told me to. just because i dont know how to do it. just because just because im depressed. just because i can get emo. just because i dont have your faith. just because i have my doubts. just because i can get angry. just because i have feelings. just because i cry. just because im not happy all the time. just because i let you down. just because im not what you expect of me. just because i enjoy my life. just because you think this is all wrong. just because i speak out what i think. just because i try to be honest. just because i dowanna keep it all inside. just because i go to sleep every night thinking all these stuffs. just because i dream this. just because i wake up in the morning to the same night sky. just because .just because....just because im not like you. just because I'M NOT YOU. Just because I'M ME.
Teardrops on my guitar
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see
What I want and I need
And everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful
That girl he talks about
And she's got everything
That I have to live without
Drew talks to me
I laugh 'cause it's just so funny
I can't even see
Anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love
He's finally got it right
I wonder if he knows
He's all I think about at night
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
Drew walks by me
Can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She better hold him tight
Give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes
And know she's lucky 'cause
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
So I drive home alone
As I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down
And maybe get some sleep tonight
'Cuz he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
He's the time taken up but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see
I fake a smile so he won't see
What I want and I need
And everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful
That girl he talks about
And she's got everything
That I have to live without
Drew talks to me
I laugh 'cause it's just so funny
I can't even see
Anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love
He's finally got it right
I wonder if he knows
He's all I think about at night
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
Drew walks by me
Can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She better hold him tight
Give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes
And know she's lucky 'cause
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
So I drive home alone
As I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down
And maybe get some sleep tonight
'Cuz he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
He's the time taken up but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see
Monday, October 12, 2009
err, time to blog. where to start leh. hmm. my mummy merajuk-ing now. coz i say wan than mee not nice. ishh. umm exams are OVER! whoooots. lol. err. wedding last weekend, damn syok meet all the relatives, and BABY MANDA!! amanda i mean. so i cuttte!!!!!. everyone say look like me. look like i was a baby time, came home check my baby photo, really damn alike wei., photo coming soon. lol friday night dinner at ku ma's place...1 somehting ka go home. next day 6 oclock wake up. 7 go ku ma's house again, be ji mui. haha.watch the guys get played. so tired wei. haha. then came home after lunch took a nap, wake up get ready again. go dinner at Traders. so nicee. lol. amazing food. wonderful couple. neways, sat with justin, ness, sis, yee quan, nelson, pui yee, and 3 cousins who is ku cheong's brothers sons. whoooo.~~~ busy smsing that night. ada story. haha. then my prawn FLEW!. ishk. sia sui betul wei. LOL. after dinner went redbox. took da biggest room. LCD screen.Long long long couch. sing sing sin. reach home at 4. too tired wake up for church the next day. woke up lunch time went ku ma's house again. sit there the whole afternoon. waiting for baby amanda to come. she's adorable i tell you. after that came home around evening, starting to feel unwell. lol. im getting bored. haha.
congratulations to ruixin and yih liang =)
congratulations to ruixin and yih liang =)
Saturday, October 3, 2009
wanna update ar...si liao lar. cant remember anything.
er..
monday. go back school. umm duno la. tuesday pun tak tau la. my things keep flying downstairs into the rain. damn pek chek. come home, emo nia. then wednesday slept at 9.30 woke up 10.50 the next day. first time so early. but no use pun. still so tired. aih dunno la. dowanna blog d.
need to calm down now....like sesak nafas. jsut now msn too many ppl. too fast. until hard to breathe. just wanna go love my o2mania. bb.
er..
monday. go back school. umm duno la. tuesday pun tak tau la. my things keep flying downstairs into the rain. damn pek chek. come home, emo nia. then wednesday slept at 9.30 woke up 10.50 the next day. first time so early. but no use pun. still so tired. aih dunno la. dowanna blog d.
need to calm down now....like sesak nafas. jsut now msn too many ppl. too fast. until hard to breathe. just wanna go love my o2mania. bb.
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