wad's happening?

wad's happening?
less than one week after getting back together with [[him]]
and things are starting to go wrong..seriously wrong..

he's ignoring me..on purpose..
why would he do that anyway?
maybe he doesnt love me anymore??
i dunno..

after getting back together with him..
i thought life would be better..but it's not..in fact it's actually getting worse..
first the dance thing then now this?

wad's happening, God?
why is my life becoming worse?
Is this what im suppose to get?
for going against basic rules to have a bf at this age?
i dont really noe

all i noe is that i've been crying myself out these past few nights..
and nothing seems to be getting any better..

i noe crying cant make anything better..but wad can i do?
i cant change fate..
if this is how we're meant to be..then i guess that's that..
i cant change anything..
if he doesnt really love me anymore..wad for he agreed to be with me again?

i need answers!!!!
god please, i'm begging you..
pls i need answers..
i need my problems to be solved..
i need to lead a normal life..
PLEASE!

we're in!! but..

phew! finally auditions over!
and we're in!

and this time our team of dancers consists of
~Sarah~
~Emanuelle~
~Ee Lyn~
~Ee Wei~
~Pei Huah~
~Agnes~
~Shyn Yih~
~Li Shan~

and an additional two boys
~yu heng~
~shi how~

so auditions started and we were the first team to dance..
we did mess up abit..(well we oni had less than one month to practice..and my team dancers aren't really HARDWORKING) and the boys did fall a few times..(the were only added in to our team last friday!!) but i guess it all went quite well..

after that, the teacher announced that all the std 6 teams are in and she would like to meet up with every team to change some things to fit their "regulations"..
and the first thing the teacher told us was that she didn't want the boys to dance..
coz she said they spoiled our dance..

i mean..how could we just tell those two boys that we dont want them to dance after recruiting them just last friday..it'll be like "放他们的飞机"..
and even though they meaning the boys did not say it, we could tell that they REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to perform this year, seeing as it is the last year we're in this school(they did admit it later..haha..)

we told the teacher that wad the boys did could be practised (they're doin some breakdance)
but the teacher still said no..(it's like the teacher has a grudge against boys dancing lidat) in the end we had to tell the teacher that we would choreograph some dance steps for the boys and show it to her later..
the teacher said that it's the last chance and if the second time we show the teacher the dance with the boys dancing and if it sucks to the teacher then the whole team is out..

that means that if we really want to dance this year without hurting the boys' feelings then we have to come up with some really great things for the boys to do on stage..
and the whole team now depends on the guys..
but we have limited time..
unless..
we kick out the guys and secure our spot on the list..
but that wouldnt be fair to the guys, would it?

and as the "leader" of this team.. im in a dilemma!!!!
either i kick out the boys for the sake of the girls in the group to perform..
or i take the risk to show the teacher in charge the whole dance again with the boys and risk the whole team getting kicked out..

but if i get the team kicked out by the teacher then the girls will be angry at me..
if i kick the boys out now they will be angry at me
if i get the whole team kicked out then the girls will be angry at me..
ishkk!!!!

as most people would think that kicking out the boys would be more practical rather than getting the whole team kicked out..
but kicking out the boys juz for the sake of the girls would be the last thing i would do in this life..
i mean..that would be SOOOOOOO unfair to the guys rite??

if securing a spot on the stage for the girl dancers means that i have to kick out the guys then I'm OUT!!!!!!!
if i have to hurt someone's feelings and get them mad at me just to be avle to perform in front of the whole school then
I'm OUT!!!!!!!

i LOVE [[him]]

~~loving someone is more than saying "i love you"~~

~~without love the world is blank and lifeless~~

~~love is complicated~~

~~love doesnt have to hurt to feel good~~

we're back together and we chat with each other everyday online..
i realised that i really really really love him and i cant stop thinking of him..
i cant get him out of my mind..(not that i want to).. :)

but wad i'm worried about now is
wad's going to happened to this relationship when he goes away??
i dont wan him to go..but he has to..
aih..

it's about 2-3 more months before he has to go..
:'(
that's so soon!!

[[plz dont go...i love you..]]

i really dont know wad to say in my blog these days..so caught up with life..
getting back together with him..
dance practices..
ausitions this monday..
stupid teachers that are so berat sebelah..
all these sort of block up my mind adee..
so i might be crapping here..
lol

i'll give my best to this realationship

we're back together after 3 months..
we couldn't live our lives properly without each other..
finally, that hole in my heart is filled..
the pain gone..

to [[him]]
i promise i'll give my best to this relationship..
i don ever wanna lose you ever again..

i love you..
muaks..

~sarah~

a second chance..

finally..
the truth is out..
i still have feelings for him..
and he still has feelings for me..
i asked him "if i asked you to be with me again..would you agree??"
and he said yes..

to [[him]]
i want to give our relationship a second chance..
i noe girls should not make the first move..
but seriously..
would you be my bf again??
it's ok if don't want to..
i promise i wont cry..
coz it's ur choice..
i cant force you..

from..
~sarah~

do dreams come true?

do dreams come true?

i dream to be a professional dancer..
will that dream come true??

if i said i dream to be like alina kabaeva..will it come true??

i guess i have to work hard to make those dreams come true..
and GOD will always be there to assist me..
because nothing can be acheived without GOD..

and when that day comes when my dreams actually becomes reality
i would give all glory to GOD..
cause he's the one that was, is and will always be there with me..
"A dream is a wish your heart
makes.."

"Don't you know that dreams come
true?"

copyright laws

there's gonna be three dance teams auditioning for the school performance next tuesday..
and commasow cliQue is one of them..

and there's also another group with 11 people and yet another one with about 20 people..

the thing is..
that group with about 20 people keeps copying everything commasow and the other team does..
our steps..
wadever stuff i try from the view of flexibility..
like bridges, splits, box steps, push steps and many many many many more..

i mean..
they have almost 20 people in their group..
dont tell me that they dont have enough brains of their own to think of their own steps and ideas..
they totally have no originality at all!!
always copying..
and when we confront them they will say that their not copying and that those steps are theirs..
this isn't fair..
dont they have any guilt?? when they get through auditions but not with their own steps??
do they even have any feelings??
do they know how much time and work i put in to get those steps??

i want copyright laws on my dance steps!!

it wouldnt help if we complained to the teacher in charge..
they are like automatically in cause they have alot of members and teachers like that..
and if any of them view this blog..
i juz wanna tell them "please STOP copying!!!!!!"

but in the end it's still about having fun..
but how do we have fun if we're pressured by them taking our steps??

a new week ahead..but it's still the same old boring life

aih..
so fast..
one week past adee

and tomorrow is monday again!!!
another new week..
but life remains the same..
boring..
unexciting..
dull..

nothing SPECIAL ever happens in my life..
nothing suprising
nothing that happens SUDDENLY..

haha

well
juz wish all of you that ur upcoming week wont be as boring as mine

i'll update soon

xoxo

~sarah~

midnight mcd

yay!!

i finally get to eat after 12 and a half hours!!
my dad brought my sister and i out for midnight supper at mcd..

and it was freeeeezing cold!!
there were sooooo many crazy ppl that went and eat mcd at 12 midnight!

summore got a group of crazy guys celebrating someone's birthday at mcd at 12 midnight!!
and it was like -10 degrees!!!!!!!!!

blerrrrrre....freeeeezy!!

i'm not going to on air con tonight..
im going to on the fan number 1..and wrap myself with my blanket and curl up into a ball to SLEEP!!

*yawns* i'm so tired..need to sleep :0

nitez..
sweet dreams..

wait for my next update..
dont worry..it wont be long..maybe tomorrow or monday..

(P.S. i ate 15 nuggets at mcd with barbeque sauce..couldn't help it..was too hungry..lol..i LOVE mcd nuggets!!)

xoxo

~sarah~

my god bro..

hmm..

wad do you think of my 干弟（ god bro)??

he's soooooooo cutee!!!! (baby cute)

好可爱!!!!

[{Kevin Leong Shi Yong}]

so chu bi!!

and can you believe he's also 12 this year???

haha

do i regret everything i've done?

do i regret breaking up with [[him]]??

yea i think i do

he's a great guy..

he's serious..

not playboy-ish..

and almost everything that i wan my 理想情人 (ideal partner) to be like..

but i had to go and break up with him..

now everything's too late..

to [[him]]

[[i hate you but i love you]]

[[i can't stop thinking of you]]

~sarah~

hungry!!!!

let me introduce you to someone

her name is sarah..
she's sitting in front of this comp right now..
updating her blog..

and she is HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she hasn't eaten anything since 11.30am..
she's STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

someone help her!!!!
save her!!
she's gonna die!!!!!!

why?

why why why ? ? ? ?

hmm..
juz came back from church..

and when i was in the car on the way back [[he]] used his friend's fon to sms me..
he asked me this..
"why u wan to forget me?"

well thats initially wad im trying to do..
to forget about him..
but WHY??

i havent really thought about it until [[he]] asked me juz now..
izzit becoz we already broke up or is it becoz i noe he's already taken??
maybe it's becoz he said he could not go back or maybe it's becoz he's moving away soon??
why????????????????????????

if someone SAYS he/she wants to forget someone..
but he/she doesn't really have the heart to forget that person..
it's impossible for he/she to forget that someone..

that's wads happening right now..
i SAY i want to forget him..
but i noe it's impossible to EVER forget him..

and it's also impossible for us to be together again..

so i juz wanna wish him good luck in everything he does, wherever he is..
and i hope he always remembers that GOD is always there with him..
and i also hope he wont ever forget that im still here as a friend..

(P.S. my sister is veeerrryyy EMO)

haih..dance practice AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

aih..
juz when i thought i could have a day free of DANCE PRACTICES..
enjoy my lunch and train my o2jam..
then my friend call me and say "ei sarah..today got practise wad time??"
so have to have practice again lo..
aiyo..

ishhkk..
but actually is fun la..dance practise..
juz that teaching some of them is abit challenging..
but for the original Commasow CliQue's sake..
i sacrifice my time..
*sob sob*

but this sacrifice is gooood..
lol

till next time

wad school to go to next year leh??

heng ee or pcghs??

pcghs all girls wan very boring ler..
later kena ying xiang then become les..
haha
anyway i heard people say that if you go to all girls school or all boys school..
when you meet people of the opposite gender(excluding your family members) you wouldn't noe how to be yourself..
(this does not mean EVERYONE..juz some people might be like that)

but heng ee..
co-ed..
almost all my friends oso going there..
but my mom like dunwan me go there..coz she said got guys..
but at this age..meaning teenage life..surely have to xiang chu with some guys wan ma..

aih..
i dunnoe la..

got sooooo pissed off

in school today first two periods dance prac..then one hour later continued prac again..
then i said i wan to teach them the "battle part" of the dance..
then everybody like ready adee..
i was like "hurry! hurry! no time adee! 12 more days to audition!! u all wan to learn wan or not??"
then one of them said "nobody say dunwan learn oso!!"
then suddenly one of moi best friends said "nobody say wan to learn oso!"

i was so angry when i heard that..i said" ok fine! no need to learn!!" i stormed out of the hall go back to my class..(that time recess bell adee ring)..then take my things then i go back to the hall but i purposely walk pass the canteen..then my friends all were looking for me..
and i walked pass them but they all like mata sepek wan..cannot see me..haha
then i went back to the hall and use the stage and dance alone to try and calm down..
after recess i had to change back into school uniform summore so i went into class late..but good thing was science teacher..she dun mind wan..yay!

but nearing end of school that time i was not so angry ade la..
but still abit angry at moi best friend who said "nobody say wan to learn oso!"
but now, sitting here i dont think im still angry la..

i got soooo angry coz these few days so pressure..i scared later practise until like wan to die adee then during audition that time didnt get choosen then all efforts wasted..
coz our steps not really very easy oso..compared to other teams..(not that im proud or wad but seriously, the other teams de steps quite easy wan thats why they got time to teach 20 people!!)
so past one week i keep asking Commasow CliQue members to practise practise practise!!!

thats why my temper rise so fast! then oso things with the ex not going well..
haha
yesterday he asked me go online..
then i asked him to go read my blog the first post (heartbreak)
he read adee then he asked me "hEY why U bReAk uP wif Me In dE fiRsT plAcE??? den NoW u SaY u HeaRtBroKen... sry... i CaNt go bAc" so quite sad la..coz i still love him!!

so now im sitting here alone and jotting all these down..
hope you'll find it interesting..

i'll keep you updated!

juz another normal day

*sigh*
juz another stupid school day
had PE class but it was raining like hell so had to go to the hall..

school performance coming up so had to practise dance..
but my whole body so pain..
i got a nasty blister on my leg coz i went skating in qb then dunnoe how my leg got blister..
(so i have been wearing slippers to school for the past week*lol*)
my stomach muscle and thigh muscle sooo pain..cannot strech (did i spell that right?)..
coz been having dance practise everyday..

sunday go training for 2 and a half hours then after that had dance prac at my house untill 7 something..non stop!! so tiring!! then watched high school musical 2 with one of moi best friends..had fun..

monday had dance practise in school then after school my co-choreographer..[[hehe..im the choreographer..ahem ahem]] came my house to choreograph dance untill 6 something i think
like want to die lidat!!

tuesday had dance practise in school again..sweat..(-_-")..
after school..time for REST!!!!!!!
slept the whole afternoon!!! from 2-6!!
haha

wednesday had dance prac in school AGAIN!!! (everyday is basically the same)
after school co-choreo came again..from 3-5..
so still had sometime to rest before started..
then after she gone home i took a bathe..then plait my hair..
then follow my mom bring my sis go tuition..then i had another dance prac(different than school wan..this one is with me ballet school wan..november got competition)..dance prac was 8.30 but i was at the ballet school early coz had no where to go then my mom oso dunwan to go home then come out again..(she always say waste petrol!!) so slept in the car untill 8.20 then oni go into the ballet school..
but whole of wednesday oso i didn't have time to strech properly..
so next day muscle start to pain adee!!
*sob sob*

thursday (well you can guess la) had dance prac in school again!!!
but i cut my toe on the school stage..stupid stage got sharp stuff wan..the cut so deep!!
then i slept the whole afternoon again..
woke up bathe, tie my hair then go ballet class..

then today lo..
after came back from school..too tired adee so sleeeep again..
then wake up and now im sitting here crapping about my boring week..

everyday of my life is practically the same..
dance prac then sleep, wake up bathe, then tie hair, then dance prac again!!

till here for now!!

sarah a.k.a. beotchgal

~this is me~

i'm an average girl who leads a normal teenage life which is filled with stress, pressure and heartbreaks..

but most of all--FRIENDS

that's the best part of my life

but also not forgetting our almighty GOD!

best friends forever!!

~

~~

~~~

~~~~

~~~~~

~~~~~~

no matter what happen, we'll be

best friends FOREVER!!

~~~~~~

~~~~~

~~~~

~~~

~~

~

*from left* ~ee lyn a.k.a. rose or dralynn or Mrs Hen, moi , emanuelle a.k.a. "tortoise de lao po"

*winks*

[[why cant i ever take a nice picture??]]

[[fish..i hate myself]]

juz look at the picture and pretend im not there k??

you are the music in me

"when i hear my favourite song, i know that we belong, 'cause you are the music in me..."
one of the songs from high school musical 2..

it's a nice song and i've listened to it many times..
when i was listening to that song just now..
he was in my mind again..
i was singing along while thinking of him..
and my eyes started swim with tears..
and it's times like this when i really regret breaking up with him

everytime i go online the first person on my mind is him..
whenever i see him i feel different..
and i'm always thinking of him..
and almost everything in my life can be related to him..

i've told my friends about this..
and one of them said " sarah you love him..you love him..but we cant wish things to be the way we want it to be.."

i love him but i cant wish things to be the way i want it to be..
i want to be with him again..
but it's impossible..
he himself said it "sorry..i cant go back.."

"relationships are complicated..you'll learn more when you experience it.."
everything that has been happening in the past few months..
everything that i've been feeling this past few months..
really is EXPERIENCE..

haih..
i've got to move on with my life and get him off my mind.

heartbreak

why does almost everything in my life gotta do with my ex??
it hurts..
everytime i think of these things, i have an urge to cry
but i force my self to hold back those tears and think it through..
it was i who wanted to break up with him 3 months ago..
when i made that decision, i kept thinking about what he did not do, never once did i think about what he did do..
at that time, the only things in my mind were
"he doesn't give a damn about me, does he?"
"does he still love me as much as he did last time?"
"he doesn't call anymore, and i clearly remember him agreeing to call me everyday"
"he doesn't even look at me when i talk to him"

was i too sensitive??
maybe he had reasonable reasons for all those things he did not do?
maybe he doesn't have time to call?
maybe he's too shy to look at me?
i don't know..

after breaking up, we started to lead different lifes
our lifes stopped intervening with each other.
i heard he had another girlfriend after me.
and i started to have feelings for some other guys..
but i felt like there was a hole in my heart that could not be filled with feelings for those guys..

recently, we chatted online.
he said he would call me when he has the time.
2 days later, he called.
we talked for more than 2 and a half hours.
after that, i started to realise that that hole in my heart could only be filled with feelings for him..
and him alone.

but i was too late.
he was already taken by the time i wanted to get back with him.
i was crushed when i found out.
this is my own mistake.
if only i hadn't broken up with him
things might still be fine..
and with great mistakes comes great grieve and heartbreak..

nowadays, he swims in and out of my mind all the time..
and my thoughts are drowned with memories of him..
but i have to leave all those memories behind, get over him and move on with my life..

and i know god will help me with that.
so will my friends